County Fair
by magewriter
Summary: The Akatsuki go to the Land of Fire County Fair! Romance between my friend's OC and Deidara and between the Nameless member and the Leader. Some fighting action, but no one gets permanently injured. No typos!
1. Forcing It

County Fair

By Magewriter

Chapter 1: Forcing It

Disclaimer: All Akatsuki members and the Naruto universe belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

…So, I was asking my dad about story ideas because he doesn't know who the Akatsuki are, then my mom came in and suggested that they go to a county fair. Maybe it's just because it's 9:21 PM on a Wednesday night, but I thought it would make wonderful fanfiction. So, here we are…

If you haven't read Deidara's Troubles, you probably won't understand Ritonno or many other characters in this story. Ritonno is my name for the nameless character, and at this point she has a distinct personality.

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Ritonno came back to the Akatsuki commune one day and, before she put the groceries away, placed ten large, colorful tickets on the table in the dining room. Of course, no one would notice them until Hidan tried to use that seat at dinner that night, and if he were out she might have to bring them up herself, but she had bought tickets to the upcoming county fair.

She wanted to see the looks on the other Akatsuki members' faces when they found out.

She was happy that Deidara was finally a decent cook. Every day that she went grocery shopping was a day when he cooked instead of her. It was better than Kisame, with the amount of sushi (and, more precisely, sashimi) that they had eaten when he cooked for them.

They had sukiyaki. Ritonno wondered how well that would work out, since he was trying to feed an organization of nine (ten, if you counted Zetsu as two) athletic, teenaged (or a bit older) guys, two women, and a twenty-five-year-old assistant to one of the members. They were having it over rice, though, which added substance if not much else…

Hidan was, in fact, absent. Ritonno placed the tickets at Sasori's place while Deidara's sukiyaki bubbled. Finally, he yelled, "Dinner, yeah!!!" And the Akatsuki was in the kitchen within the next thirty seconds or so.

Having set her portion aside, Ritonno took Leader's portion up the flight of stairs to Leader's room in the attic. He thanked her, then she went back downstairs and ate her sukiyaki.

…or tried to. As she sat down, the tickets were held in front of her face, a few of them punctured by Sasori's claw-thing. "You left these at my place. I assume you want them back?"

"Sasori, what have you learned about getting poison on other people's things?"

"I didn't send poison into them. It would be a waste." His claw punched through the rest of the tickets. "I don't do county fairs."

"Really? You should! There's all sorts of fun stuff there! …And it's really a social thing. I was thinking of joining some of the sparring competitions. I mean, considering that Itachi is one of the strongest of us, and I'm stronger than Itachi, I should be able to get myself a little pocket money. It's hard being a girl with just the money Kakuzu lets us have…"

The table was quiet, except for Itachi, who was giggling a bit to himself.

"Okay, Itachi, if you really want to that much, we can spar at the fair."

He looked up, startled. "What?! Didn't we already do that once?"

"Yes, but there are different rules at the fair. Not everyone is as talented as us."

"Well, that's obvious if you look at Deidara."

"What, yeah?"

"Don't worry, Deidara – Itachi's just sad because I'm gonna whomp'im on Sunday, so he's taking it out on you. Itachi, don't be mean to Deidara."

Itachi grumbled a bit to himself.

"Well, anyway, I, at least, am going to the county fair. I love those things! Is there anyone else who wants to come with me?"

"Ooh! Ooh! I will, yeah!"

"Okay, so far there's Deidara and Itachi. Anyone else?"

"Definitely," Seiya said. "I love group events." (Seiya is from Pocky-machine's story. She's the housemaid, but when we combine our fanfics, she tends to appear within the Akatsuki.)

"Great! Anyone else?"

The room was silent.

"Anyone at all? None of you? You're all so lame…"

"Why would we want to go?" Sasori asked.

"…Well, first of all, there's good food, and Sasori, you could submit an art piece into a competition and maybe win something. There are competitions for everything – I'm sure there would be something there for all of you."

"Will there be bugs there?" The black side of Zetsu asked.

"Um, probably flies and stuff. Why?"

"I'm going. There aren't too many around here anymore – Sasori killed them off."

"They made good practice targets for my poison claw, okay?"

"…And I think they don't like my clay dust, yeah."

"No. See, there aren't any decent bugs around here anymore."

"So… you want to go to the county fair because the venus flytrap part of you is dominant in spring?"

"Well, there's also a lot of pollen in the air this time of year…."

"Zetsu, not at the dinner table, okay? I don't want to hear about your weird plant-lusts."

Their venus flytrap attachments closed a bit, angry, then went back to normal and they continued to eat.

"Actually, Zetsu, do you think that Tobi would want to go?"

"Probably. He's not good for too much anyway."

"Is there anything he might want to do for it?"

"Probably not."

"Well, it'll be fun anyway. Okay, so we have Dei-kun, Zetsu, Seiya, Itachi, and possibly Tobi. Am I right?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Well, I'll be asking Leader after dinner, too."

The rest of dinner passed relatively uneventfully. Kakuzu had gone out that day to be a highwayman, and he was very proud of that day's money. And why not? He had actually done pretty well.

Hidan wandered back into the commune just as they were finishing dinner; they heard the door open, Hidan going down the hallway to his room, and Hidan flopping down onto his futon. For the sake of the futon, Seiya went down to check on him.

"Hidan, that's your bed. Don't bleed on it just because it's a full moon."

"Why not? What is the giving of blood to almighty Jashin-sama?"

"I don't know, but to you, blood should be a whole bunch of scrubbing at that futon tomorrow."

"Who cares? This is all for Jashin-sama!"

"Hidan, just – is that a fiber picker over there in the corner?"

"Yes. I special-ordered it online. It's useful for shredding things."

"Hidan, that's just disgusting! I mean, think of the blood stains that thing must have on it!"

"It can't be helped. Hamsters have an interesting texture, if you wanted to know. Just plop 'em down on the spikes and run the other spikes over it. They have some amusing squeaks, too."

"Um… I'll probably see you in the morning, okay? I hope you aren't so… weird… then." She didn't worry about him; Hidan didn't die from that sort of thing.

.-..-..-.

The next morning, Leader noticed the tickets still on the table.

"Ritonno, why did you buy us tickets to that death-trap?"

"Well, I figured if we could parade through town going to that noh concert, we could go to a county fair." (see the end of "Deidara's Troubles")

"We haven't raided the town yet, except perhaps for Kakuzu… But everyone goes to county fairs."

"I always used to go to those when I was little, though. They're fun! There are rides, all sorts of competitions, food, you name it."

"The Akatsuki will not go to that fair."

"What if I go to a public telephone in town and ask my friends in the Grass village to come?"

"No!"

"Pleeeeaaaase?" She hunched her shoulders a bit and took on a pitiful expression. Remember, at this point, that Leader has a crush on Ritonno.

"Okay, you can go."

"Yay!!! Thank you so much! I would hug you if you weren't a guy!"

"But be back before 2."

"It only goes until about ten."

"Good. Where is it?"

"In the Leaf village."

"Good. How many people are going with you?"

"Five. Dei, Tobi, Seiya, Itachi, and Zetsu."

"Itachi and Zetsu?"

"Itachi didn't mean to, but he challenged me to a fight. Zetsu are starting to get in-season and they're looking forward to all the pollen and bugs and stuff there."

"You and Deidara seem to be really close."

"Yeah. He's sweet! I mean, he acts like a little kid. It's adorable."

"But you're not…?"

"No, we're not in a relationship. I think of him as a little kid. I wouldn't date him. That's Seiya."

"Okay… Wait, Seiya?"

"Yeah. She heckuv likes him."

"I… guess I hadn't noticed."

"I didn't expect you to."

They ate their breakfasts in silence. Leader wasn't going to come, but at least she could go.

Around 10:00, she started looking for Deidara. She found him bugging Sasori.

"Pleeeeease will you make me one, yeah?"

"No, Deidara, we've been through this! My skills aren't going to be used anytime soon on you unless you say you were wrong about art and do something to make up the years of annoyance."

"Then where am I supposed to get one, yeah?"

"Why not try a pet store?"

Ritonno stepped into the room. "What are you looking for, Deidara? Hopefully not an animal…"

"No, nothing like that, yeah. I want a birdcage, yeah."

"Really? Why?"

"You'll see at the fair, yeah!"

"Awesomeness. I think this year is going to be great. You should come, Sasori."

"I thought Leader said you couldn't go."

"No, I begged him and he said I could."

"Could I see the face you used? I might want to use it in one of my puppets at some point."

"Deidara, do the 'pitiful' face. I'm out of practice."

"Not to help Sasori, yeah!"

"No, to help me. It's inadvertently helping Sasori, but I'm the one asking you to do it."

Deidara placed his feet about a foot away from each other, then turned them in, pushing his knees together. He brought his hands together and balled them into fists, pressing them together against his mouth, tilting his head down. He paused for a second with his eyes closed, focusing. When he looked up, emitting a soft whine, he looked about ready to cry.

He was the master.

Ritonno squealed and hugged him, but he managed to maintain a similar effect.

"Ritonno, get away from him! I'm trying to get this down in my – Deidara, are you crying?"

"Just sketch it, yeah!" Deidara sounded as if he were, in fact, crying. Ritonno, knowing that it was entirely fake, started laughing.

"Don't laugh, yeah! You'll break my concentration!" sniff

"Okay, I'm done sketching it. How the heck is that supposed to be 'cute'?"

"Well, it's like the reaction you have when puppies and kittens make that face; you just want to hug them until they're happy again. It's easier to manipulate women, I guess…"

"Definitely, yeah."

"Great job pretending to cry, by the way. I didn't know you were so good at that!"

"It's nice to have one or two things up your sleeves, yeah."

"I prefer to have my arms in my sleeves."

"Hehe… Come help me pick out a birdcage, yeah?"

"Sure."

They went to town on a giant clay owl – Deidara seemed to be getting more varied in the types of birds he made and he was getting better at making them big. Ritonno was amazed that Deidara was brave enough to stand up on his creation; she stayed on all fours during the entire ride. She wasn't afraid of heights or anything, but the bird was constantly moving up and down as it flapped and she wasn't the one controlling it.

They got to the town in only a few minutes and landed next to the pet supply store. Deidara did a quick jutsu to make the bird smaller, then flew it up to the roof for safekeeping.

The store had a decent supply of birdcages; eventually, they decided on a small metal cage with a rounded top and a small perch in the middle. It had little metal flowers and leaves on the outside, along with wire "vines." Deidara bought it – it was inexpensive, too – and they went back outside, boarded his re-enlarged clay bird, and flew back to the commune.

When they got back, it was lunchtime. Ritonno checked the rice cooker (Itachi and Sasori had found it one day while cleaning) and saw that there was no more left in it and no one had started another batch. So, she measured out some rice and some water and pressed the button.

She liked electricity.

.-..-..-.

It was Sunday, finally! Over the weekend, she had managed to convince every Akatsuki member (and Tobi) that they would have a good time at the fair. Finally, they left for it. They all took the train, except for Deidara and Sasori, who had art pieces to present.

Today, Ritonno found out that the Akatsuki really did have a very limited wardrobe. Not only did they not have decent formalwear, but they also had no casual clothes except for the black, short-sleeved shirts (with netting on the collar and sleeves), black capris, and knee-length tabi socks. Ritonno wore short tabi socks with zori, but she also wore her black yukata with a thin, red obi. "Thin" in this case means that it was about fifteen or so centimeters. Seiya wore the same, as she hadn't managed to get any new clothes since the time she had come to the Akatsuki.

Leader, of course, was the only other person in their entire organization with decent casual clothes, so he wore dark hakama with a dull red kimono shirt. His sash was the same color as Ritonno's.

The rest of the Akatsuki wore the same clothes that they wore every day. While Ritonno was comfortable in her Akatsuki clothes, she didn't like wearing them in public. Wearing netting in front of strangers bugged her for some reason…

Hidan wore a shirt, too, which Ritonno considered to be a good thing.

When they got to the fair, they split into the following groups:

Ritonno and Leader

Zetsu

Tobi, Hidan, and Kakuzu

Itachi and Kisame

Seiya, Deidara and Sasori

You might think that Deidara and Sasori wouldn't be caught dead next to each other, given the choice; however, they each had an art piece to submit. Deidara had brought his birdcage with him; now, he submitted it to the contest.

He and Sasori immediately parted, Sasori to get tickets and Deidara to find Ritonno and Leader. On the way, he found Tobi, who had become his friend. They shared the same bubbliness.

They went together to find the other group. Ritonno, guessing why Deidara and Sasori would want to do anything together, was trying to get Leader to come toward the contest registration booth. They found Deidara, Tobi, and Seiya.

"Dei-kun! Tobi! Wazzup?"

"I submitted my piece, yeah!"

"What, you mean that birdcage? You didn't even make that."

"I know, yeah; you'll see!"

"I guess we will…"

"Oh. Do any of you want to go watch Zetsu-san?" Tobi asked. "He acts really funny this time of year."

"Nah. We can do that later. Plants work a lot more slowly than humans… Maybe after lunch."

"Good idea. What should we do?"

"Whatever we want, yeah!"

"Haven't you ever been to a county fair, Tobi-kun? They're really fun."

"Um… not in my memory."

"Awww, Tobi is a deprived little boy! C'mon, let's see what there is for lunch!"

They ended up getting the carnival food of their choice and splitting a few orders of curly fries. Ritonno had packed a sandwich for herself and fruit for whoever wanted it. She ended up splitting most of the fruit with Tobi and Seiya.

"How did you manage to get strawberries like this at this time of the year?" Tobi seemed so fascinated…

"The season is just beginning. In the middle of summer, they'll be even better!" So Seiya knew about fruit…

"Really?"

"Hey, these _are_ pretty good, yeah!"

"I know! You should try the cherries."

"What do you think would happen if we did this in front of Zetsu, yeah?"

Tobi shrank back a bit, surprised. "We can't do that!"

"Tobi, you need to live a little, yeah."

"But… I owe Zetsu-san so much for keeping me…"

"Oh, c'mon, Tobi! If he does anything to you, I'll beat 'im up!"

"But… but…"

"Don't worry, Tobi. We won't let you take any of the blame, promise!"

"…Well… you go ahead. I won't. Not to taunt Zetsu-san."

They went to the open field. Zetsu was crouched near the ground, to all appearances flirting with a poppy.

"Zetsu, get away from her! You're already a mutant; you don't need anything more mutated than yourself!"

Zetsu gave one last, romantic look to the flower before standing up. "We were just getting ready to exchange pollen!"

"Listen, Zetsu. Don't inflict your mutation on other people. You're cursed to not have a defined species, okay? Same with Kisame and Oro. Deal with it!"

Deidara interrupted their conversation. "My shoulder hurts, yeah."

Zetsu looked up and snatched something off of Deidara's shoulder. The next thing Ritonno knew, he was holding the body of a bumblebee. "I love these things! They're the perfect mix of crunch, raw meat, and fuzz!" She could tell from his voice that he would savor it, and saw the ecstasy on his face as he chewed it.

Meanwhile, Deidara pulled the stinger out of his shoulder. He hadn't even twitched when he had been stung! "Let's get you to the first aid tent, Dei-chan. That must hurt."

"It'll be fine, yeah. It's only a bee sting, after all, yeah."

"Yeah, but bee stings give off a weak poison – just ask Sasori! I'd feel better if we got you something for it."

"Well, if we're going to start associating things with Sasori, I'm definitely not going with you, yeah."

"If it were anyone else who specialized in poisons, I would talk about them. Now, come on, Deidara! It'll only take a minute or two!"

Suddenly, an announcer came on over the speaker system to say that the sculpture competition was about to start. "Oh! That's me, yeah!" Deidara yelled, and ran back through the field to find his experiment, reaching into his clay pouch as he did so.

The others followed at a slower pace. Sasori had an exhibit, challenging anyone to fight against a puppet which none of the other Akatsuki members had seen assembled. Deidara's exhibit was much more peaceful – a clay bird in a birdcage. He actually tricked a few people into thinking that it was a real bird – after all, he had made a hole in it so that when he fanned it, the air rushing through the hole made a pretty "tweeee" sound. It flew and hopped like a real bird, too, making it one of his nicest and most demure creations ever.

Deidara ended up winning first prize in his division; Sasori was disqualified because he had injured someone with his puppet. After he won, Deidara asked around to see if any of his friends wanted his sculpture. None of them did, so he found Sasori. After a quick exchange, Deidara led the Akatsuki out to the open field that they had found Zetsu in earlier and threw the birdcage into the air.

"Katsu, yeah!!!"

The birdcage blew up, producing a bright, magenta flame rather than the usual orange fireball. Deidara took a picture with his scope.

"Thanks, Sasori-danna, yeah!"

"As long as you don't value your art, you ought to at least get something beautiful out of it."

Leader was confused. "Wait. What happened here?"

"Sasori-danna let me use some of his poison in my bird if I took a picture, yeah! That was the tall, pink fire, yeah!"

"Oh."

Zetsu grabbed him from behind. "Deidara, you idiot! Now the bugs are all going to leave!"

"Hang around the food area, yeah. Don't get mad at _me_."

Suddenly, Itachi noticed that their group lacked the two women who tended to tag along. "Where are Ritonno and Seiya?"

Leader, at this point, knew perfectly well that the women were capable and had probably just gone off on their own, but in the back of his mind, he wondered if something bad had happened to them.

.-..-..-.

Across the field and well into the line of shops, Ritonno heard Leader's voice in her head. _Ritonno! Where the heck are you?_

_I'm with Seiya. We figured everyone else would be bored. We're looking around the shops at clothes and stuff. We're in the shop with the nice dyework right now._

_Why didn't you tell me?_

_What, you need to know where I am every second of the day? You would be bored if you tried to tag along._

_We should have a meeting place, though._

_Where and when? Seiya's already looking at me like I'm crazy._

_In one hour at the front of the fair._

_Okay. We'll be there._

She pulled out of the conversation. Leader didn't try to get back into her mind.

"Hey, Seiya! Leader says to meet him in an hour at the front of the fair."

"Wait, you just did that all in your minds?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you just get cell phones?"

"Cell phones are expensive, unneeded, and easy to detect."

"Good reasons, actually."

"I know. It's nice to know how your leader's mind functions. It cuts down on the arguments you have."

"It definitely would."

"Ooh! Isn't this a cute shirt?"

"Yeah! How much is it?"

Ritonno looked for a tag, and finding none, asked the woman who was running the stall.

"Darn it, it's too expensive. That's the problem with hand-dyed stuff – it's really pretty, but it's way too expensive."

"Yeah…"

They thanked the woman and, being done looking through everything in the stall, they went to see what else they could do.

"Ooh! Ritonno! Let's go over there! We could get our faces painted!"

"Let's look at her pictures first."

They did and were amazed, so they waited for her to be done, then asked about prices. "If I got a vine on the right side of my face like this with flowers and stuff," she outlined with her hand. "How much would that cost?"

"Probably two dollars."

"Awesome!!! Could I please get that?"

"Sure." The woman set to work. First, she outlined the vines in green, connecting one to the edge of Seiya's eye. Then, she did the white petals of the flowers, waited for that to dry, and did pink shading and yellow dots in the middles. Then she was done.

"Do you like it?" She handed Seiya the mirror.

"Oh, my gosh! It's so pretty! Thank you so much!!!" Seiya fished in her purse again and dropped a dollar into the "tips" box.

"How much would it cost for a full-face butterfly?"

"Eight dollars."

"Nice." She produced the money. "Okay. Here you go…" She took off the silk flower that she wore in her hair, pushed back her bangs, and secured them with the bobby pin attached to it. She tucked the rest of her hair behind her ears.

"What color butterfly do you want?"

"I don't care. You're the artist."

Ritonno closed her eyes. She could feel the colors going on her face. She waited a minute after the painter was done before opening her eyes because she didn't want the paint to smear.

When she finally did open her eyes and looked in the mirror, she was amazed. The color blending under the black wing outline amazed her.

She, too, dropped a dollar into the tips box. She would have put in more had she not just spent eight dollars.

Wandering around, looking in the jewelry shops, they found Deidara and Tobi talking to a seller of cameras about lenses. Or, Deidara was. Tobi just looked bored.

"Hey! Dei-chan! Tobi-kun! You two want to ride the tilt-a-whirl?"

Deidara turned around holding a small plastic bag. "Sure, yeah!"

As they walked to the tilt-a-whirl, the best ride in the park which all of them were willing to go on, they discussed seating.

"Okay. So, everyone, listen up. Seiya and I are sitting together. Who's gonna sit next to who otherwise?"

"I'll sit next to you, Seiya-chan, yeah."

"Okay. Tobi, where do you want to sit?"

"Ritonno-san? Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

"Of course not! …But, you can call me 'chan.' I'd really feel more comfortable if you didn't refer to me so formally…. I mean, we live together. Why not be friends?"

"Because of Sasori, yeah! I'm not friends with him!"

"Deidara, shut up. Hey, look. Everyone came for the artistic competition, so now there's a huge line. We should be able to get on next ride, though."

They actually ended up being first in line for the next ride, so they all crowded into one tilt-a-whirl unit and lowered the protective metal bar.

They got a satisfying amount of spins and almost-vertigo, especially considering that they were on the tilt-a-whirl, which by definition isn't an overly exciting ride. When they got off, Seiya and Tobi got back in line while Deidara and Ritonno got in line for the Wipeout, one of the best spinning rides at the fair.

Unfortunately for Deidara, the larger (or, in this case, since they were about the same size, heavier) person was supposed to sit on the outer seat. There was no single seating for safety reasons.

Ritonno did her best not to crush him (the ride depended on centrifugal force, which was very strong in this case) and they both had a great time. Deidara had a bit of trouble walking afterward, but they got back into the Tilt-a-whirl line with Seiya and Tobi, who were in about the middle but going to be on the ride the next time, and rode the Tilt-a-whirl three times before they had to go back to the front of the fair.

They arrived before everyone except Leader and Sasori. When everyone had arrived, Leader declared that they were all going to meet back there an hour later.

"Hey, Itachi!" Ritonno yelled as they split up again. "Didn't we have something to do today?"

"Um… no?" He looked afraid.

"Then let me refresh your memory. I mentioned that it's hard to afford pads, tampons, and good chocolate with the money that Kakuzu gives us. Do you remember what happened next?"

"Um… hopefully, you don't?" He looked even more afraid. He was cringing a bit.

"You laughed at me. So now, we're going to spar."

"Kisame, what the (expletive)?! You said you'd help me get out of this!"

Kisame held in laughter as he watched Itachi being dragged after Ritonno by the wrist.

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Nice chapter ending, huh?

Tomorrow I get promoted! We don't call it "graduation" because we aren't graduating from anywhere, but in fifth and eight grade, because we're going to a new school, we get "promoted." School is going to be open for eighth graders for, like, three hours, then we go home and come back at five or six or sometime and have an eighth grade dance.

I feel sorry for Pocky-machine. Her bf is in seventh grade.


	2. Whomp'd

County Fair

By Magewriter

Chapter 2: Whomp'd

Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

This was originally part of Chapter 1. I just copy-pasted up to "It doesn't work so well when you're fighting barehanded without any jutsu." so I don't have too much to write… I just thought I needed to start separating chapters or this would be one enormous oneshot.

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"You have three minutes. You have both read the rules on the sign over there. Are both parties ready?"

"Yes."

"You bet I am!!!"

"Begin!"

Ritonno backed up to the wall, something that you're never supposed to do. Itachi rushed at her. He purposely ran to her side, hoping to do a replacement jutsu right before he hit the wall.

Before he was able to, however, she stepped to the side, making herself too far away from him to do such a jutsu.

He rammed his shoulder into the wall.

Ritonno now did a trick that she hadn't done in a long time: she turned herself invisible. It was like Itachi's sharingan moves in that she didn't have to do any hand tricks to get it to work. On the wooden stage, he wouldn't know where she was.

Suddenly, something pulled his hair back and kicked at the small of his back, creating two painful effects. He stood up (the attack had sent him to the ground; this is perfectly logical if you think about it) and looked around with his Sharingan, paying special attention to the floor.

He was kicked in the stomach, sending him backward. In the interest of fairness, Ritonno then turned visible again.

"Give up, already, Itachi! Women are better, and you know it!"

"I thought we were fighting over something else," he said as he stood up. Ritonno rushed at him, which should have told him that something was wrong, but he was happy that she was coming to him.

He punched her, or the place that she had been before she had jumped to the side. She kicked him in the back again, sending him stumbling. "We're fighting because I said that men are stupid and you laughed at me. Now, is this going to be a serious fight or are you going to keep fighting like a chunin?"

Igniting peoples' tempers was a favorite game of Ritonno's. When people got mad, they were easily distracted. As he lunged, she put up her knee, hitting him in the stomach. His torso absorbed most of the shock – she couldn't send a man as heavy as Itachi flying the same way he could send Sasuke across a hall – but it was effective.

"(expletive), why do you have to do things like that?"

"You're rushing blindly, Itachi. Sometime, I need to help you with your technique. If you were to stand against Orochimaru or someone more powerful than you, you wouldn't stand a chance! That style works most of the time, _if_ you have a kunai or a few shuriken stars and you're allowed to use your mangekyo. It doesn't work so well when you're fighting barehanded without any jutsu."

This made him even angrier. At the end of their three minutes, Itachi was panting heavily but not really hurt, Ritonno was in perfect condition, and she was declared the winner.

Ritonno was also asked to enter the advanced competition that night. To win a fight without hurting the other person was a great skill.

.-..-..-.

After several more rides on the Tilt-a-whirl, Seiya and Deidara decided to go off on their own. Tobi followed them. It was so cute, the way he followed Deidara everywhere. It was like a little duckling…

Wait a minute. That would make Deidara a woman. Ritonno did her best to push this out of her mind.

Ritonno went to get herself a sno cone, since she didn't have anything better to do, and when she walked away, she saw Leader leaning against the stand. He looked stressed.

"Rei-sama? Is something wrong?"

"Ritonno-san! Um, no. Nothing's wrong." He sounded nervous. But Leader never sounded nervous…"

"Are you okay? You aren't acting normal. Do you have a fever?"

She put her hand up to feel his forehead.

He knocked it out of the air. "No! Really! I'm fine! I just… I got off a ride that made me feel sort of sick… vertigo and all that…"

"Oh, yeah. Some of the rides here look pretty hardcore…" She turned to walk away.

"Actually, um…" She turned to face him again. "Would you like to watch the fireworks with me tonight? They're supposed to be really nice…"

Now she knew why he had been so nervous! She smiled at him. "Sure! It'll be fun! Do you want to hang out for awhile? …I mean, you said we should be home by two. That gives us until midnight to stay here. So, we have plenty of time."

"Sure…"

Ritonno bit off of her lime-flavored sno cone and eventually they came upon Deidara, Tobi, and Seiya.

"Hey, Ritonno-san, yeah! Hello, Leader-sama, yeah. We were going to get funnel cake!"

"Awesomeness! Leader-sama, do you want to share a funnel cake with us?"

"I'm assuming that we're going to have some sort of knife to cut it with…?"

"No, just forks. Are you okay with that?"

"Um…"

"None of us is diseased or anything. And funnel cakes are really good! It's batter poured into a deep-fryer and topped with chocolate and powdered sugar! …Or we could get other toppings. We ought to get chocolate, though…"

"…And you normally split them up that way?"

Seiya interrupted Ritonno before she had the chance to answer. "Yep! Just stab it with your fork and rip off a piece."

"You make it sound so vulgar… what ever happened to chopsticks, anyway?"

"Forks are easy to make out of plastic. And they grab the funnel cake really well. We would never get anything eaten if we used chopsticks!"

"…"

"…Now, do we want a funnel cake or not? Everyone has to pitch in, okay?"

Ritonno scrounged in her bag, Tobi and Deidara in their pockets. They each managed to produce paper money of some type. Then they went to discuss flavors.

"…Well, it has to have chocolate…"

"…and whipped cream."

"Definitely. Dei-chan! Tobi! You want anything special? …Like strawberries or anything?"

"We're fine, yeah."

"Okay. So, chocolate and whipped cream? That good with you, Ritonno-san?"

"Yeah. You sure you don't want any, Leader-sama?"

He was silent.

"Okay. Let's order, then." She skipped into line. "One funnel cake with chocolate sauce and whipped cream, please!"

The woman got a fresh funnel cake and drizzled chocolate sauce onto it, then sprayed some whipped cream out of a can and onto the deep-fried piece of chocolate-covered goodness. Then they all grabbed forks and found a table.

They were surprised when a fifth hand joined into the scramble.

"Hey! You're getting some funnel cake after all, yeah! Good for you, Leader-sama!"

"This really is pretty good…"

"Tobi-chan, you have to be more aggressive if you want to get any funnel cake! Don't just let up whenever anyone wants something near what you were about to take!"

"This stuff really _is_ amazing, yeah!"

Finally, they were down to chocolate-sodden dough with a thin, uneven layer of whipped cream over it.

"Okay. Now, everyone stick your fork in, and what you get, you get. Okay?"

They each stuck their fork into a distinct part of the funnel cake and pulled it into five pieces.

"Yay! I get the most!!!"

"Aw, Tobi-chan, do you want part of mine? You barely got any!"

"We decided that it would all be decided that way, though, yeah…"

"I guess so… Isn't this stuff awesome?"

"It is."

"Definitely!!!"

"We have to do this every time we go to fairs, yeah!"

"We won't be going to any more county fairs! This is a one-time thing! What would happen if someone recognized us?"

"…But whenever Ritonno begs you, you do whatever she wants."

"Shut up!" He glared at her and walked away.

"Seiya-chan, that was mean, yeah!"

"It's true, though. Ritonno-chan, where are you going?" Ritonno ran away from the trio in approximately the direction that Leader had gone. She didn't even take the time to glare at Seiya.

She finally found him leaning against the tee at the front of the fairground.

"Leader-sama!"

He looked up, glaring at her. "Shut up and go away."

"But… That wasn't my fault! I came to apologize!"

He made an apathetic (for him) swipe at her with a kunai.

"…And here I was going to watch the fireworks with you. If you're going to be antisocial, I don't _have_ to do anything with you. If you want to, I'll watch them with you, but you have to say something, okay? Last chance."

"Stop." He mumbled it, so Ritonno didn't hear it very well.

"What?"

"Stop. Why do you have to be so hard on me?"

"Because if you're going to have a crush on me, I want to make sure that I'm respected. I'm not going to let you play around with my sympathy just because I'm a lower rank than you."

"I would never do that."

"There are a lot of people who would, though. The world is full of people who don't respect other people enough to give them that courtesy. So, I just wanted to make sure that you were the person I thought you were… Where do you want to watch them from?"

"High ground… Perhaps the ferris wheel?"

She laughed. "Do you know what going on the ferris wheel with someone suggests if you aren't just friends?"

"We'd be going to watch the fireworks."

"Yes, but some people have strange minds. Think of Itachi and you'll know what I mean."

"Oh."

"Exactly. So, just don't suggest anything like that, okay? You and I both know that we're definitely not ready for kissing yet, but I'm not so sure that the rest of the Akatsuki are quite that smart."

"Okay. Perhaps the field that Zetsu are in, then."

"Sure. Let's go check it out." It was getting close to dusk. They decided that the field would be a nice place to watch the light show from. Then Ritonno remembered her obligations.

"Oh! Leader-sama! I forgot – I need to go to the sparring stage. I said I'd help with an elite show."

"So did I."

"Really? Who'd you spar?"

"Some woman. Does it really matter?"

"No… let's get going, though. We don't want to miss the fireworks for sparring!" She ran through the fair to the building at the front. "C'mon, Leader-sama! Race you!"

She won, of course, since she had gotten such a big head start, then walked into the auditorium.

They were recognized as the people who had had superior fighting abilities, and it turned out that they were just in time.

They were the last two to come.

This meant that they were going to fight each other.

"Pleeeeeeease? Could I fight someone else? Anyone else? I can beat anyone else! …Just, not him!"

"I'm sorry, miss, but rules are rules."

"Are there any people who tied? We could replace them!"

"No! These are the rules!"

"Then I'm not going to fight."

"What?!"

"I'm not going to fight someone when, even though I know his style exactly, I'm going to lose. I can spar him any time with whatever rules we choose. That would make it rigged, wouldn't it? He knows every move I'm going to make. So it's rigged."

The mediator went to talk to the person organizing the event.

"Okay, you've been split up. Which of you will fight first?"

"I will." Leader stepped forward.

"Okay!" The other person stepped onto the stage. He was slightly muscular, but he also looked as though he didn't have perfect control of his body. One wrong step could be the difference between defeat and humiliating defeat. "You both know the rules. For this fight, you have five minutes! Begin!"

Leader's opponent punched at him. Leader dodged and, in the half-second between the time when the man threw the punch and the recoil, grabbed his arm and flipped him onto the ground.

He made a very satisfying thud. Then he stood up.

"That's no way to throw a punch. A proper" Leader threw a punch "punch is like that. And it works best if you do it when it isn't expected."

"Do you think I'm a chunin or something?"

"No, I can see that you have a jonin vest sitting on that chair over there. I'm saying that maybe you should take some time to work on the more basic techniques." Leader threw a low kick to the man's ankles. The man jumped and Leader punched him, throwing him off-balance. Then he kicked him in his side. Remember that he's saying his monologue as he's doing this. "They're easy to forget to practice."

"Ow…."

"I know that you're jonin. It just-so-happens that I'm S-rank. But a chunin could defeat an S-rank with the proper technique. It just happens that most people who make it to S-rank have already perfected their technique and they tend to stay on-guard even when they think that nothing is happening or going to happen." The fight continued. Leader had beat his opponent – officially – at exactly 4 minutes and 58 seconds.

Ritonno was up next.

She smiled as her opponent stepped into the ring. She recognized and despised him.

"You have five minutes. Begin!"

"You know," Ritonno said as she dodged and threw attacks, "I know someone who reads your books. He's scum! …And, once I read a passage from one of them… it will be a pleasure when I beat you."

"You don't appreciate my work? I have fans all over Konoha and the world!"

"Yeah, but they're men!" Then she made a stunning realization, but managed to contain her surprise to a half-second. "You were Orochimaru's teammate!"

"Yeah, so what?"

"I work in an organization that he used to."

"…So you were his girlfriend?"

"Are you kidding? You honestly didn't know he was gay?"

"What?!" Jiraya couldn't contain a surprise of that magnitude the way that Ritonno could. His defenses dropped and Ritonno threw a kick to his stomach. There was a much better place to kick, but it was against the rules.

"But… but we did research together!"

"Teenagers try to force that stuff sometimes. He was probably still figuring stuff out. All I know is, neither I nor my female friend who was there before me ever took any abuse from him. It was always the guys. And he was stronger than us – he could have done whatever he wanted."

"How do you turn gay if you're on a team with Tsunadae? I didn't even know that was possible!"

"You don't 'turn' gay, you're born gay. Duh!"

Being at about the same rank, they were having their fight during this discussion. Ritonno, because she was beginning to lose, made herself invisible.

"Wha – where are you?"

"Right here."

He threw a kick to where she had been and she kicked him in the back. Because their conversation had been slowed by punches, kicks, etc., they were now almost at five minutes.

Ritonno made herself visible again. "Sorry. Just wanted to get in one really good hit."

"Genjutsu aren't allowed!"

"It's not genjutsu – jutsu have hand signs that go along with them. It's an illusion, but it sure as heck isn't genjutsu. See?" She made herself invisible, then visible again. During that time, she managed to get her knee into his stomach, which, because they were almost out of time, was the final blow of the match.

It was very close, but Ritonno won.

They had several more fights. Leader's next fight was against Tsunadae. Fortunately for him, he was very good at controlling his lust, especially when fighting. He got a few injuries from Tsunadae's high heels, but he did win the match.

Finally, it came to the last fight. It was Ritonno and leader. There was a break called so that they could rest. Ritonno walked into the crowd. Leader, curious, followed.

"What are you doing, Ritonno-san?"

"There's a man taking bets in the crowd. I'm going to get some money from him."

"Why? Are you really that confident?"

She turned to him. "Do you promise me that you'll do your best? …Because I'm not going to make this bet otherwise. Promise me that, if I win, it's going to be entirely from skill."

"Okay…"

"Great." They had reached the betting stand. She took her wallet out of her bag and took out all of the money in it. The man running the stand counted it and asked who she would like to bet on. "I'd like to bet on the orange-haired one, please."

She took her betting stub and turned away from the booth. Leader looked stunned. "Do you really have that little confidence in your ability?"

"I have full confidence in my ability. It just happens that you've never lost a single fight to me, so you ought to be able to win now. And, I prefer having money over winning against my leader. I've already proved that I'm one of the two strongest ninjas here."

"If you say so…" They walked back up onstage. The announcer/mediator came back.

"This is the final fight! Who will win between the two strongest ninjas? Place your bets now everyone, the fight is about to start! Ten minutes from now, we'll have our answer! Are both parties ready?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Begin!"

They had a relatively serene conversation as they fought each other. Of course, Ritonno was nearly as good as Leader, but only nearly. He was the elite ninja, perhaps even against Orochimaru. In the end, he won.

"And we have a winner!!! The woman looks pretty happy about it, though! What are her thoughts?" The announcer went on like that as the ninjas left the stage, heading for the betting stand.

Ritonno gave her stub to the man who had taken her money.

"Hey! You're –"

"Yes, I know. As I said during the first round, we know each other. I never win against him, no matter how hard I try. So, it followed that I would bet on him, no matter who was fighting him."

The man gave her twice the money she had bet and the almost-couple ran to their place in the open field. After all, the fireworks were just about to start.

When they got to their spot, they found Deidara and Seiya there. Apparently, they had found a way to get rid of Tobi because he wasn't there.

"Hey! I just won a whole bunch of money betting on Leader to win a fight!"

"Really?"

"Who against, yeah?"

"Myself."

"Awww, poor Ritonno! Did he hurt you?"

"No. He got hit by Tsunadae – you know who Tsunadae is, right? – well, she fights in heels, and he got a couple of nicks and bruises from those, but we're both fine. Guess who didn't know that Oro was gay?"

"Who? Tsunadae?"

"No, someone I fought. Jiraya."

Seiya, already sitting on the ground, rolled onto her side laughing. "Really?"

"Yeah! First I told him he was scum, then I remembered that he was Oro's former teammate, so we were talking about that and somehow that came up. It helped me win the battle – he was pretty surprised."

"I'll bet!" Seiya exclaimed, still laughing.

"Look! They're starting, yeah!" They heard the loud crack of a firework going off and saw the bright sparkles in the sky. They were beautiful…

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School starts at 10:10 today! …So I'm writing this at 7:17, when I would normally be brushing my hair or tying my shoes because I leave for the bus stop at 7:21. I'm walking to school with my BF today because we have so much time. It takes about 45 minutes, but we're planning for and hour and fifteen just to be sure because we can't be late for school! We're leaving around 8:45 or 8:55… I might get halfway through the next chapter, even!

It recently occurred to me that I have fifteen stories. That's totally awesome.


	3. Group Activities

County Fair

By Magerwriter

Chapter 3: Group Activities

Disclaimer: all characters and places are the property of Masashi Kishimoto, to use and/or abuse as he pleases.

Right now, I'm trying not to make my chapter titles too long because DeviantART only allows 30 characters in a label. Go to my journal on DevART to find out why I'm happy, excited, and ecstatic today. It might not be up, this morning, though…

I credit this chapter to my mom because she came up with the basic idea.

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Spending two hours getting home wasn't too bad. Or course, that's during the daytime. This was from 12 to 2. In the morning. So, Ritonno slept in the next day. She woke up at about 9.

"Hey, Dei-chan, hey Sei-chan, hey, To-chan, hey everybody."

She got a slightly varied response from everybody in the room. It seemed that she had woken up at the same time as everybody else.

"So, what do we plan to do today."

"We're going to work on our scrapbooks." Leader was standing directly behind her.

"I… never expected that."

"I'm not in a good mood today. Actually, the bruises I got from that demon-woman still hurt. So, I feel like being mean to the Akatsuki."

"Could you please do something that _won't_ hurt our eyes later? Please?"

"I've already decided this. You can't sway it." Leader turned around and left. He returned holding a large box. How he managed to carry something that size and not look awkward was far beyond Ritonno.

He took out the eleven scrapbooks and laid them out on the table. Itachi glared at him. "They're pink."

"They were the nicest ones I could find. If you'd like to look for masculine-looking scrapbooks that don't look completely stupid, please be my guest. I have leftover fabric from people's cloaks anyway."

The scrapbooks were covered in a muted pink cloth with a bit of stuffing under it. They had a very soft, pleasant look, but they were definitely feminine.

"Pink is a type of red, okay, Itachi?"

"Now, Deidara, would you please upload some of your pictures?"

"Sure, yeah!" Deidara ran into his room and returned a few minutes later with eleven copies of all of the pictures he had taken before.

"Why don't I get one?" Dark Zetsu asked.

"You are considered to be one unit, except conversationally. You fight as one unit and you do physical activities as one unit, and if you tried to scrapbook as two people, it wouldn't turn out very well. Just do your best with what you have, okay?"

"I get odd numbers," dark Zetsu growled, referring to page numbers. "You _are_ odd." "Why, you little –" Zetsu then engaged in a fistfight, which looked extremely awkward because they shared the same body. Ritonno started laughing. "Why are you laughing? This is completely serious!" "Little (expletive), she should have learned some manners before she came here!" "Ritonno, is this a challenge? Do you want us to spar you?" "…Because we will." "And then you'll be sorry that you crossed us!" "What are you going to do, Ritonno-dobe?"

Ritonno's head perked up at the use of the word "dobe." It was a rude word, and she couldn't respect anyone who used it so lightly. "Oh, it's on!"

They went outside. Leader would act as moderator. "Okay. No coming up directly under her and no punching holes through their plant parts. Okay?"

"Understood." "Yeah!"

"Yes."

"Are all parties ready?"

"Yes." "Of course."

"Yeah!"

"Begin."

Their fight lasted a long time. Ritonno determined that turning invisible wouldn't help unless they were on the deck because Zetsu could communicate with plant life. It being almost summer and them not having a watering system, all the plant life were dead; however, Ritonno wasn't going to take chances.

Finally, Ritonno won. The Akatsuki actually hadn't looked forward to the end of the fight because, to them, it meant that they had to work on their scrapbooks.

Ritonno made Itachi carry Zetsu inside and lay him on his futon and they passed Tobi on the way upstairs. "To-chan? Why are you going downstairs?"

"I have to take care of Zetsu-san!"

Tobi, Zetsu are fine. Okay? Once they wake up, they might need some help, but so far there isn't anything you can do that would affect anything."

"Can I stay down here anyway?"

"Oh. Don't worry, Tobi; your reputation won't be damaged if you make a scrapbook."

"Okay…"

They went upstairs. Kakuzu was complaining loudly. "I hate this! Why do we have to make scrapbooks? This is stupid and boring!"

"Shut up and pass me that lavender ribbon or you'll find yourself scrapbooking for the next 72 hours."

Kakuzu made an intimidated noise and handed Itachi the light purple ribbon. Itachi focused all of his consciousness on his scrapbook. Or so it seemed. When Kisame snickered at him, the shark-man found a swift kunai aimed at his throat.

"(expletive), Kisame, you made me get this thing out of alignment."

"Well, sorry!"

"You should be."

Ritonno didn't feel like making a scrapbook, so she excused herself to go read, saying she had a headache.

.-..-..-.

She was absorbed in her book, but not so much that she was unaware of her surroundings. When she heard Leader coming to her room, she closed her book and put it on her bedside table, pretending that she really did have a headache.

"So, whatever happened to the headache medicine you used on Sasori so long ago?"

"I don't use it for little headaches. Then I would get desensitized to it and that really _would_ be a problem." She kept her eyes closed, which she normally did when she had a headache.

"So, the book I heard you put down was…?"

"I wasn't reading. I told you, I have a headache."

"Really? Wasn't there a bookmark in it earlier?"

"I don't use bookmarks. You're thinking of Sasori."

"Then what's this – are those guys kissing on a bookmark?"

"Is it so wrong to like bookmarks? A lot of them are really nice. That doesn't mean I use them. Open that drawer."

She heard the drawer of her bedside table. "Now, next to all the yaoi and romance books, there's a large collection of bookmarks. And they're nice bookmarks. Some of them have a cute phrase, or a cute guy, or two cute guys…"

"I can see that…"

"Don't rifle through my bookmarks. It's like rifling through my manga: you'll only get disturbed."

"Um, yeah. Does Seiya like this sort of thing, too?"

"Yeah. It's really big with teenaged girls right now. There are two cute guys and a perilous love story. What more do you need?"

"A plot, perhaps?"

"Most of the time. Girls are crazy, though. They'll pair together random guys who don't even work just because they're cute… Then there are randomly inspired pictures… Do you like lesbian romance?"

"No!"

"Why not? I mean, it's not something I watch, but I don't really mind it... It annoys me when girls like yaoi but hate yuri. It just… it doesn't work. Now, will you please leave me alone? My head is killing me…"

"I really think you should take something for it, if it's lasted this long."

"I'll be fine… Go back upstairs and do some scrapbooking."

"You think I care? What if I just stayed down here? Would it be comforting to know that there was someone with you?"

"No, not really."

She could feel him smile at her. "Okay. I'll go back upstairs, then."

He exited her room. When he was up the stairs, she took out her book again.

She didn't hear him coming down the stairs again, so she jumped when he opened her door. "I was right, you know."

"About what?"

"When I said you didn't have a headache. I was suspicious from the beginning… Is scrapbooking really that bad?"

"No, I just don't feel like it right now. Being in a group of guys who aren't color-coordinated… I'm lucky I'm stronger than them, or they'd all be making passes at me, you know it."

"Some men do tend to act unintelligently."

There was something in his face that seemed… questioning. She remembered his attempt at romance and smiled. "I like you, though – I always feel like you respect me. It's amazing considering that everyone we live with is an idiot in at least one way."

"Even Tobi?"

"I'm told that his chronological age is about 25. He acts like a little kid. It's cute, but it's not particularly intelligent."

"…And you're saying that we're not idiots?"

"Of course we are. You're in love, which makes you an idiot by default since love isn't particularly controllable, and I'm going along with it, which makes me perhaps even more idiotic."

"Quite true."

"I was thinking about it last night."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Suddenly, I recall you standing behind the stand where I bought my sno cone."

"That's going to haunt me for the rest of my life, isn't it?"

"Definitely. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone, though."

"Good."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? If I were the sort of person who needed to plan that stuff, I would kill whoever told other people about it!"

"You don't need to plan that sort of thing?" His voice – and his gaze, for that matter – was incredibly dry.

"Well, yeah, but usually I give myself more time."

"Why must you be so perplexing?"

"Because it's fun. Because I don't feel the same way as you, so I don't feel any need to be unnecessarily cordial. Because, at this point, we're closer to really good friends than boyfriend/girlfriend, so it's sort of acceptable."

"…And because I'm your superior and it's a type of rebellion?"

"I guess so, yeah."

"Great."

"I'll do my best, though – really!"

"To do what?"

"To be nice. Because, as long as you respect me, I want you to feel respected."

"I'm glad." He said it… gently. He walked slowly across the room, sat down next to her futon, and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face that she hadn't even realized had been lying across it. "I always want you to feel safe."

She was beginning to feel sort of nervous. It was an edgy feeling that she couldn't describe. "Well, in our line of work, we'll never be completely safe. There's always a stronger ninja." She sat up. "It's a sweet thought, though."

"Um… thank you."

She smiled at him. "Would you like to do something tonight? Like, watch a movie or something?"

"Sure. What would you like to watch?"

"I don't care. Do you want to invite Deidara and Seiya, too?"

He looked reluctant.

"Okay, then. Never mind. I was just thinking… since after this we're going to be permanently 'together'…"

"Yeah… I guess it's okay, as long as they stay on their own couch."

"What should we do to keep everyone else away from the TV?"

"We could run them through exercises all day."

"That wouldn't be fair to Dei-chan, though. You, Seiya, and I would be the only three to stay awake at all, and I tend to fall asleep during movies."

"Oh… Should we watch it in the afternoon, then?"

"Well, sure, if you want everyone to make fun of us and you want to eat Kisame's cooking."

"Oh. I can see the difficulty."

"Yeah."

"Isn't there anyone in this infernal organization who can cook?"

"Of course! There's me, Deidara, Kisame, and… um… Well, Sasori never makes anything poisonous."

"That doesn't mean it's edible."

"I could make something that keeps. Or we could just kick everyone out of the room…"

"I think I'd prefer that option, actually."

"Okay. Should I make mochi? It's nice to have sweets when you're watching a movie."

"That would be very nice, thank you."

She stood up and went upstairs then set the rice on to cook. She got some glares and comments from the rest of the Akatsuki, but managed to remain in good spirits as she searched out the wooden bowl and mallet used for making mochi, the sweet pounded-rice treat.

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It's a sucky chapter ending, I know, but I needed to end it soon.

Heh. I have, like, five pages without margins.

Nothing really to write. And yet, I have so much more…


	4. Romantic?

County Fair

By Magewrite/Sheelos-lover

Chapter 4: Romantic?

…Well, this was copy-pasted off the end of chapter 3… I just can't seem to end these chapters, can I? I did this with Chapter 2, too!

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After dinner, the four pushed the unincluded seven members out of the room and, presumably, to their rooms to get some sleep. Then Ritonno got her mochi out of the refrigerator and divided it into four sections. She and Seiya left, and Deidara did while they were gone, to put on their pajamas so that they wouldn't have to do that later.

Ritonno came back in fuzzy, warm pajamas and slippers, Seiya in an oversized T-shirt/nightgown and fluffy slippers. When Deidara finally came back, whatever he was wearing was black with red trim. Ritonno wondered how long he had searched for something in those colors.

They watched a romance movie. Leader held Ritonno's hand in both of his while Seiya and Deidara experienced some intense snuggling. Ritonno tried cuddling with Leader, rubbing her flannel-coated shoulder against his partially netting-covered one, but he looked at her as though she were insane so she didn't try again.

Afterward, filled to bursting with a warm, fuzzy feeling, Ritonno and Seiya had a sleepover in Ritonno's room.

This meant that they would stay up well past midnight.

"So, what was it like cuddling with Dei-chan?" Ritonno asked as she helped Seiya get her futon down to Ritonno's room.

"It was soooo nice! He looks all thin and stuff, but he's actually really strong and you know how nice it feels to have that feeling of strength supporting you?"

"Yeah. That's how I am with horses… I feel all rejected by Leader-sama, though… I'm doing my best to be nice at him, but did you see how he looked at me?"

"No, I think I was asleep for part of it."

"Heh. That's… unbelievably cute, actually."

Seiya grinned. "I know. Isn't it?"

"Yeah… What's wrong with Leader-sama, though? …I mean, he keeps saying that he loves me and everything, but then tonight it seemed like he barely wanted to touch me."

"He'll probably get over it… You have to be soft on him. The most recent contact he had with a woman was pretty darned negative – did you see that scar in his shoulder?"

"Well, she's Hokage now. Fighting her is pretty much asking for it… Don't worry about me, though – I'm fine. He's sort of the old-fashioned type."

"Yeah…" They sat in silence for awhile. Then, Seiya asked the question that Ritonno least expected. "Ritonno-chan? What did your first kiss feel like?"

"What?! Seiya, you've kissed him??"

"Yeah. Kissing doesn't mean as much as it used to, Ritonno. Get over it."

"Well, I… You honestly expect me to have kissed him already? We just got together, like, yesterday!"

"Yeah, but didn't you have a boyfriend before Leader-sama?"

"No. I didn't really care too much."

"That's so sad…

"Not really. If I had been looking for someone to spend time with, I probably wouldn't found one. But I was content with that situation, so… Why? Did you?"

"I had a few when I was little, but you know how grade school is… No serious ones, though…"

"Mmh… I have something to tell him tomorrow."

"What?" She said this in a suggestive manner, as if Ritonno were that sort of person.

"I think I like him. Maybe it was just the moment or something, but… Well, I'm convinced, at least. Heh… We never outgrow our basic human instincts, do we?"

"What, to crazily lust after hot guys? Of course not."

"No, I mean to get crushes! You're so crazy, Seiya!"

"I know. Isn't it awesome?"

"Heh… Well, you're amusing, anyway. Did you like the mochi?"

"Yeah. It was good! Did you put anything special in it?"

"No, just rice. And I'm sure that wood molecules came off from the bowl and mallet…"

"Did you get help?"

"What, turning the bowl? No, I did it on my own. Everyone else except for Rei-sama was scrapbooking... Besides, do you honestly trust anyone else here to help make mochi without getting their fingers smashed or smashing someone's fingers?"

"Itachi."

"Yeah, but he would've hated me forever. I wonder how Zetsu are doing…"

"We could go check."

They went across the hall. While Orochimaru had been there, he had installed a lock which kept the other members from entering. Zetsu had decided to use it.

So, they opened Tobi's window and climbed into his tiny room, sliding the wooden door open just as much as was necessary. Tobi, reacting to the cold, woke up.

Seeing the two dark figures in his room, he screamed. Unfortunately for them, he wore his mask even when he slept, so there was no way to cover his mouth. Instead, Ritonno bent down next to his face. "Tobi, don't worry. It's just us. We're checking on Zetsu."

"Zetsu are in horrible condition, thanks to you!" Tobi managed to keep his voice down to a whisper.

"Yes, I know. That's why I came to check on him. Hopefully, you sewed that skin layer back on with cotton thread…?"

"Um… I don't know how to do that sort of thing. I put it back, though!"

"Talk to Sasori." She waited for a moment. "No, I mean talk to Sasori right now."

"I'd probably wake him up…"

"Actually, probably not. And even if he were asleep, he can wake himself up really quickly. If you ever need a pick-me-up for just a few minutes, he has this amazing caffeine solution. He can focus when he's on it, though – probably has something to do with being a puppet…"

"Um… okay…" Tobi exited Zetsu's room the quick way, being able to undo the latch from the inside, and they heard him running softly up the stairs.

In less than a minute, he returned with a very irritable Sasori. The living puppet took a few moments to calm himself before waking Zetsu.

"What is it, insolent puppet?" "We were trying to sleep!"

"I'm trying to help you live. You'll be under anesthetic, anyway – you'll get more than enough sleep tomorrow."

"Stupid Akatsuki members, trying to keep us from our slumber…" "You, Ritonno. Why are you in our room? We specifically locked the door to keep you out."

"Well, I was feeling guilty, so Seiya and I snuck in through Tobi's room and we realized that you probably needed medical help from Sasori, so we got Tobi to go and get him."

Tobi ducked his head a bit, probably blushing under his mask.

"Drink this." Sasori shoved a small cup into White Zetsu's hand. "It'll knock you out for a few minutes." He prepared the needle and thread he was about to use. The needle had an interesting, curved shape. Ritonno hoped that something similar had to be shoved through her skin.

After a few minutes, Sasori asked, "You still awake?" Getting no response, he began sewing the flap of plant skin that had been ripped from Zetsu's delicate plant flesh earlier that day. A wound like that on a human would be crippling and probably deeper than that…

"Okay. Done. He should wake up soon. If he complains, just give him these." Sasori dropped two small pills into Tobi's gloved hand. "Is there anything else I should see to?"

"Um… Well, I don't think so," Tobi said.

"Good. Then, I'll be upstairs reading my novel, like I was before I was so rudely interrupted." He left haughtily, taking his medical supplies with him. Noticing his mood, Seiya tried to comfort him.

"Don't worry, To-chan; Sasori acts like that to everyone. I think he's actually happy that he got to be of some use. We don't really get that many missions, and barely any of those are of any real importance, so it's nice to be useful once-in-awhile."

"Okay…"

Ritonno and Seiya returned to Ritonno's room then, but they heard Black Zetsu swear as the pair woke up.

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I'm obsessed with Twilight now. If you couldn't care less, don't read this comment.

…So, at the end, he almost bit her. It would have been inconvenient, if you consider the number of people there and the way she screamed the first time, but he needs to get around to it one of these days! …I mean, the second book starts with her being eighteen! She could move out of Charlie's house and in with the Cullens, and they could just bite her and get it over with! …I mean, it's one thing to bite a stranger and inflict that on them. It's entirely another if the person asks for a fate like that so that they can spend eternity with their true love. There have been arguments like that going on for awhile, though – if you've ever read Tuck Everlasting, you know what I'm talking about. Whether to spend eternity with your love or live life as it was meant to be lived… It's almost impossible to decide. You can spend your entire life trying, but you can never change back once you make the choice… Sometime I should write some fiction based on the opposite! I think that would be really interesting.


	5. Life Goes On

County Fair

By Magewriter/Sheelos-lover

Chapter 5: Life Goes On

Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to Masashi Kishimoto

…So, I just got finished reading Twilight. I find it amazing that I'm not ranting about it right now… I'll try not to let it interfere with my fanfiction too much, though!

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In the morning, the women woke around sunrise. It would still be a good deal of time until anyone else in the commune woke up, much less actually felt motivated to move. Ritonno, however, donned long pants and a jacket and went for a few miles' run while Seiya made a pot of coffee.

By the time Ritonno was back, Tobi was upstairs, kicked out of Zetsu's room. He was telling Seiya his problems. "…But then he said that he never wanted to see me again! …And the white one said it, too!"

"Tobi… um…"

"So let them live with that." Seiya's head perked up and Tobi turned around. "Why not try staying out of their lives for awhile and seeing how they like that. Is there anyone else who you think would let you stay with them?"

Tobi considered for a moment, going through every male Akatsuki member. "No. Definitely not."

"Even Rei-san? It wouldn't be hard – probably just doing the petty little chores that I usually do."

"Um… but wouldn't it be too imposing to ask? …I mean, he's our leader!"

"I could talk to him… I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind, once he got used to it."

"Um… Then I wouldn't know how to repay you, though…"

"It would be a favor. Don't think too hard on it. Who knows? Maybe Zetsu will like the change and Leader-san will like having an assistant and you'll end up with a promotion of sorts."

"Thank you so much, Ritonno-san!" Tobi stood up and turned around, all so that he could bow deeply to Ritonno. It made her feel uncomfortable.

"Um… but I haven't even done anything yet!"

"I know… but, you said you'd try!"

"Um… yeah, but, see, I have this thing… It makes me feel really weird to be on top when I didn't ask for it, so… please don't bow like that, Tobi. It's really uncomfortable… I mean, especially considering that you're nine years older than I am."

"You're a better ninja than I'll ever be, though!"

"Nah. I'm sure you'll be a great one someday. Most of the people who suck at fighting arts just decided to give up at some point. I can't see you doing that…"

Before Tobi or Seiya could say anything in response, they heard a door slam so hard that the frame shuddered. Even worse, the noise came from the attic. It sent a chill through all three of their spines and they shivered simultaneously.

Ritonno turned invisible and slipped away. Seiya and Tobi weren't lucky enough to know how to become invisible, so they followed Ritonno without meaning to, hoping to get away before Leader was down the first flight of stairs from the attic.

He caught them running, though. "Is something the problem?" He had the same, nearly-expressionless mask that he always had when he was angry. His words were precise, well-thought-out. "You wouldn't happen to be running from me, now, would you?"

"Um, no! I was just following Ritonno because she said I could borrow some of her books, and To-chan here was going down to check on Zetsu."

"Okay, then… Do whatever. I don't care." Leader had a strange spectrum of emotions when he was angry, all the way from insanely mad to seemingly uncaring to calmly coming up with the best "cause of death" possible for his foes, and he could be swayed by any statement.

Seiya and Tobi made their way to Ritonno's room, where they discussed Tobi's future plans. Unexpectedly, they heard a ceramic cup shatter and Leader swearing, so Ritonno went up to check on him. By the time she was upstairs, he was running water over his cut hand. He seemed to be even less social than before, so she picked up some of the larger pieces of the cup and mopped up the remaining tea (catching ceramic fragments with it) in a paper towel while Leader went to the bathroom, where they kept the first aid kit.

Whatever he was mad about, it was bad enough that he had unintentionally squeezed a strong ceramic teacup to the breaking point. It was bad.

She went back down to her room and did her best to imagine that Leader didn't exist, that he couldn't affect her through anger or anything else because he was fictional, or on the other side of the world, or something like that.

Then he came downstairs.

"Ritonno, I would like to talk to you in the attic."

If Ritonno could see herself from the outside, she guessed that her face would have gone a bit pale as she followed Leader up the two flights of stairs to his room, which took up the entire attic. The only reason she wasn't completely green was that she was a very good actress.

He slid the door shut behind her. When he spoke next, he sounded more nervous than angry. "What do I do now?"

"What?"

"Last night… You seemed a bit upset about something. And… it's been bugging me. I want to know what it was." He began pacing, obviously very upset, but Ritonno was glad that his frustration wasn't directed at her.

"Wait. You got into that whole mood and you broke a cup because I wasn't acting normal last night?"

"I was… worried." He admitted, blushing a bit but pretending that he wasn't.

"Listen. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? It was nice. You were there, holding my hand; Deidara and Seiya stayed nice and quiet; the movie was good…"

"…But you still seemed discontent."

_Oh, God._ She thought. _How do I ever tell him that it was just a stupid reason?_

"It really… it wasn't anything."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It was completely trivial."

"…But still existent? Please, tell me what I did wrong."

"Um… you haven't had many girlfriends before, have you? That's not the sort of thing you're really supposed to ask."

"…But… Okay, then. Let's take a different perspective. What would you want your boyfriend to do if you were viewing a movie on the couch in your living room."

"I'd want him to hug me…"

_Oh, God. I just told him, didn't I? Stay composed, Ritonno, pretend that you didn't just make a stupid mistake…_

"Really? …Is that what I did wrong, then?"

"Um… Couldn't you talk to Seiya about this? It's sort of… awkward, us being together and all…"

"Oh, you're right. Of course you're right. Um, you can go now. I'll talk to Seiya…" He had an entirely different attitude around her. He acted nervous, sweet, and strangely inexperienced. During her time in the Akatsuki, she had decided that, since he obviously knew much more than her about the Akatsuki and fighting in general, she should follow his orders. Now, it seemed that the tables were turned, and it felt completely awkward…

Turning around to get on the stairs that led to the bottom floor, she heard Deidara's voice behind her. "Ritonno-san! Um, can we talk for a few minutes, please, yeah?" He was blushing slightly.

"Sure. What about?"

"Um… I'll tell you when we get to my room, yeah. Or your room; whichever. I just don't want Seiya-chan to hear, yeah…"

"Oh."

"Yeah, yeah." They were in his room by then. "…So, what can I do to make her feel special, yeah? I have no idea!"

"…Well, she seemed pretty happy last night."

"I know, but I want to make her happier than anything, yeah!"

"…Well, that's not really the point, is it?"

He looked at her in a desperate way, grasping anything he could that would lead him to a better understanding of Seiya.

"The point isn't to make one person feel special; it's to be happy that you're together and enjoy the moment as much as possible. If you're having a good time with her, then I can guarantee you that she's going to be enjoying herself with you." She smiled at him. It seemed that men had no clue about relationships, at least in the Akatsuki commune.

"Um… I guess I'll think about that, then… Thank you, yeah!" He still didn't look convinced, but she was certain that he would think about what she had said.

"No problem. Rei-kun is talking to Seiya right now…" Seeing the look on his face, she rushed to add, "Not that kind of a talk – she's not getting thrown out or anything – he's just completely useless when it comes to romance."

"I sort of noticed, yeah."

"Yeah. So, he's talking to Sei-chan. Is that all you wanted to ask me, Dei-kun?"

"Whatever happened to 'chan', yeah?"

"That faded out when I got together with Rei-kun. Don't worry; we're still close!"

"Nice to know, yeah."

"Okay, then…. Bye!"

"Bye, Ritonno…. Um… kun, yeah!"

"Bye, Dei-kun!" She left, shutting he door behind her. She waited in her room for Seiya, passing through the kitchen to get some PMS-grade chocolate even though she didn't need it for the usual reason.

She made this trip invisibly and quietly. Kisame and Itachi were in the next room, and it was Itachi who spoke.

"Do you want to know why I don't trust those two?" He seemed to be leading into some sort of joke.

"Why?" Kisame was grinning in anticipation.

"Because I don't trust anything that can bleed for five days and not die!" They both laughed. Ritonno tried to hold it in, but lost both her secrecy and her invisibility as she burst out laughing.

Both men stared at her. While she was laughing, Itachi slipped past her, probably going to his room. If Ritonno stopped laughing and decided that the joke had lost its appeal, he didn't want to be there. Kisame followed soon after.

She went back down to her room and waited for Seiya to arrive and share the juicier details of her conversation with Leader.

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This is getting less like an innocent trip to a county fair and more like a soap opera love story. Today I read the Tyler's Van scene and skipped to the almost-rape scene and couldn't stop until the first lunch conversation when Bella knew Edward was a vampire (in Twilight). It's such a good book… Edward is so funny, too! …And it's witty humor, which is even better!

If you're not reading this on DeviantART – and I don't know why you wouldn't be, since I keep pushing it on everybody – I recently uploaded a ginormous picture for my friend Pocky-machine of Deidara and he's shirtless with a netting armband and totally awesome hair. If you couldn't tell, I'm the sort of anime fangirl who cares more about the hair than the shirtlessness and the netting. I'm gonna do To-chan, but with his long sleeves, gloves, and masks since he doesn't seem to want people looking at him. Deidara has the whole shirtless-for-the-fangirls thing going for him, but I'm not that kind of fangirl. I love the effect of whole bunches of cloth yardage. If you add in hair (we're assuming that this is all well-drawn) then we have a wonderful bishie, as long as the face or eyes don't have some sort of weird abnormality. For example, in Demon Diary, Eclipse has his low-neckline kimono, low-neckline cloak, etc., but I got even more into him (OMG THE HAIR!!!!!!!) when I saw him with his cloak blowing in the wind when he was sitting on top of that building waiting for Rae-chan the fifth.

If you were wondering why I write so much for comments, it's because I'm really chatty and I don't really care whether anyone listens. By the way, go to Sheelos-lover. for my DeviantART profile if you aren't on it already.


	6. Love Story

County Fair

By Magewriter/Sheelos-lover

Chapter 6: Love Story

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Kishimoto-sensei except for Ritonno, Seiya, and the plot.

The chapter title is what the story is now, isn't it? It's not a dumb little humor story about a fair, it's a love story. Considering that the characters either have strong relationships or very grounded personalities, it's actually pretty dramatic.

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At last, Seiya came back down to Ritonno's room. They both knew that it would be the second sleepover in two nights, even though it wasn't yet noon.

"So? What did he ask you?" Ritonno asked anxiously almost as the door slid open.

"Whoa! Slow down! Let the door close first!" She smiled a bit. "Do you have Pocky?"

"Yeah, somewhere. What kind?"

"I dunno. Didn't you have some special pink stuff once?"

"Oh, yeah, that stuff! It's awesome! If I give you a piece, will you talk?"

"Sure, if you tell me what you told Dei-chan. Leader-sama told me not to tell you."

"Well, he wanted to know how to make you happy."

"I'm open to all things cute and/or fuzzy."

"I told him that he didn't need to try."

"Awww! That's so sweet!!!!"

"Yeah, I know. Real sappy, isn't it? Now, tell me what Rei-kun told you."

"First, show me the Pocky."

"It's right here, okay? Now tell me what you told my boyfriend!" She lowered her voice for the second sentence, not wanting him to hear.

"Well, he asked me what I thought he had done wrong last night."

"And you told him…?"

"I told him you'd love it if he'd hug you. And all the basic stuff, like general communication…"

"Did you say anything about… um… kissing?"

"God, Ritonno! Stop acting like kissing is such a huge thing, okay? It isn't! It's old-fashioned to think that kissing is suggestive!"

"I know. Still…"

"Societal morals are collapsing around us and she worries about kissing her boyfriend. Really, what is this world coming to?"

"I get nervous about these things, okay? …And we've only been together for two days!"

"Two days plus all the time you knew him before. And what's to be nervous about?"

"What if I did something wrong? What if he did something wrong and I had to keep it down because he's above me? …And what if it made him more confident and…?"

"Ritonno, he doesn't seem like the sort of person who would try anything like that. He's so nervous – fast speech, occasional blushing, probably sweaty palms –" Ritonno had been walking quietly to the door. She now slid it open as fast as it would allow and found Leader and Deidara standing outside the door. A few seconds later, Itachi came out into the hallway.

"Ritonno, Seiya, would you please keep it down? I'm trying to read Icha." It was nice to have him be polite to her (it had taken a good deal of fighting to get it to be that way), but nonetheless, all attention turned to him.

Then Leader turned to Seiya. "What were you saying about me?"

"Don't get mad at her, yeah! She was just talking to her friend!"

"…About something which I had previously asked her not to talk about."

"Everyone should be able to talk about things in privacy, Rei-kun. And it was my fault. I tempted her with Pocky." Ritonno smiled. It was pretty funny…

He glared at her. He wasn't angry, just frustrated. "There are other kinds of privacy, Ritonno-san. I had asked her not to say anything about this."

His use of a formal name ending cut her a bit, and she winced. "Just… If you have to blame anyone, don't blame her. Blame me; I'm the one who told her to."

"Okay, then. Follow me." He walked away up the stairs, heading to the only room where they would have privacy. She was just glad that he wasn't going outside to spar…

He shut the door in his room. He had no reason to guard his door since he knew that the other members feared him enough not to listen.

"Why are you doing this to me, Ritonno-chan?"

"What, a minute ago I'm 'san', and now I'm 'chan'?"

"I could never say that to you seriously."

"Well, you seemed to. The problem with things like this, Rei-kun, is that in front of everyone else you're all tough and cold, but then when you're alone with me you get all nervous…"

"Enough, okay? There's cold, hard power for you. I'm telling you to stop. It's… frustrating! Seiya must have told you that I wanted my conversation with her to be confidential."

"She did. And I pried, and she asked for Pocky and my conversation with Dei-kun, so I told her about it and showed her the package – it was deluxe Pocky, not just the usual stuff – and she told me. It's different being in a room with one person than a room with a bunch of Akatsuki members."

"…But you're the one who I didn't want to hear about it…"

"Why? I don't think too much on it. It's actually really cute…"

"Ritonno, it is not 'cute.' If anything, it's traitorous that you were listening to a confidential conversation. Treasonous, even, since I'm the leader. And love is a very delicate subject."

"I know. I don't really care too much about the conversation, per se, just your reactions. It's more about you than the conversation. You could be asking her what colors I like and I would care just as much as if you asked deeper questions."

"You know that isn't true."

"Yes, but only because, with questions of more magnitude, the responses are more unpredictable and, therefore, more important."

He glared at her as well as he could.

"Ooh! Do you want to do another couples thing tonight?" She was attempting to lighten the conversation.

It worked. He chuckled a bit as he said, "Whatever led you to that train of thought?"

"Well, you've talked to Seiya and Dei-kun talked to me, so you two can try things out tonight."

"Do you have a specific movie in mind?"

"Yes. A foreign classic. 'Romeo and Juriet.'"

"'Juriet'?"

"Yes."

"Isn't it supposed to be 'Juliet'?"

"…Well, if you're going to be all specific… does it really matter?"

"It's such a classic that we know about it here and now! It was written four hundred years ago in another country! You could at least get the title right…"

"Whatever. Anyway, I have a really nice version of it."

"sigh Whatever…. I'm fine with anything. Ask Deidara and Seiya; they probably care more."

"Okay… Well, I'm really sorry for asking Sei-chan, but I promise I won't do it ever again, okay? We can start this over again and not care about today. Sound like a plan?"

"A relatively good one, considering the circumstances."

"Great! …Then, I'll go ask Sei-chan and Dei-kun!"

"Wait a second…" She paused in front of the door and he continued. "Why is it that he and I are both 'kun' to you?"

"…Well, I guess it's because Deidara is the 'chan' type – all friendly and open and stuff – so calling him 'kun' is being more formal and distant. …And you're the 'san', 'sama', or 'danna' type, so calling you 'kun' is either being insulting or close. …And I hope it's interpreted as being close…"

"Oh, it is! Don't worry! …I guess it's just that I was… concerned because you were calling me by the same name ending as him."

"I would never do that!!!" She hugged his arm, cuddling a bit against it. The muscular definition was almost enough to make her fangirl-squeal – he was a professional fighter, after all – but she managed to contain her fangirliness to a big smile and a stronger hug.

He receded for a moment, surprised, but then placed his free left hand on her shoulder and she could almost feel him smiling that amused, content smile he had…

Finally, the hug-type-thing was over and Ritonno jumped down the stairs two at a time, high-spirited from being hugged by her new boyfriend.

Well, her friends had always said that she should pay more attention to cute guys…

When she reached the bottom landing, she found that Deidara and Seiya weren't there, so she went to Deidara's room, where she found them sitting on Deidara's futon.

"Hey, you two! You wanna watch 'Romeo and Juriet' with Rei-kun and me tonight?"

"Sure! Sounds fun!"

_Or not…_ Ritonno thought; however, she didn't voice this. The movie was well known as a tragedy…

"I'll watch it if Sei-chan watches it, yeah!"

"Okay! You guys want anything special? The mochi was pretty good last night, wasn't it?"

"Yes!!!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Okay, then. Do you guys want me to make some tonight?"

"Please!"

"If you want to, yeah."

"Okay! I'll do that, then!"

She set off for the kitchen to start the rice cooker, measuring in the grains and water, then pressing the convenient little button. She read some yaoi in her room and waited for the timer to go off. When it did, she went back upstairs to check her rice, taking out the recently-used bowl and mallet and making a large batch of mochi, which she separated into many small lumps, wrapped in saran wrap, and put into the refrigerator for later. She had had to make the lumps a bit small, but she had managed to make exactly twelve.

After an otherwise-uneventful day, dinner was finally over. Hidan was gone, but it couldn't be for one of his Jashin rituals because it wasn't a full moon… Kakuzu was there, too, so it wasn't for some mission… Well, Ritonno had figured out long ago that Hidan was a crazy freak, so she didn't really mind his absence.

"Hey, everyone, just so you know, there's some mochi in the fridge, so if you want it, you can have a piece, and if you don't, there's someone else here who does. There's one piece for everyone, though, so only take one." There was a general rush to the fridge. When the crowd of men cleared, Ritonno and Seiya followed to get their pieces of rice-based pleasure.

"Thank you for making this, Ritonno… um… kun, yeah!

"No problem, Dei-kun!"

Leader said nothing, just took the same couch that they had had the previous night, walking next to her and allowing her to sit down first.

"Oh, no, I have to start the movie!"

"I can wait." He stood annoyingly still with his hands behind his back as she put the DVD in. She grabbed a blanket, as Deidara and Seiya already had, grabbed the remote, and sat down. Leader followed.

"Do you want some?" She asked, indicating the blanket.

"If you want to share it with me, then yes."

His way of speaking was a bit… intimidating. The formality and consideration were… Flustering. It made her a little bit nervous.

She started the movie after telling the DVD player and the menu screen that they were stupid and making a few more remarks to the technology, then sat back.

She fell backwards, expecting to hit the couch cushion, but her left shoulder landed on Rei-san's torso (he had his arm over the back of the sofa). They both jumped a bit and apologized, turning away from each other and blushing, as Seiya stifled giggles. Deidara hadn't been paying attention, so he was simply confused.

The movie started, and both girls squealed when a closeup of Romeo came up, earning strange looks from their boyfriends, who then looked confusedly at each other, trying to make sense of the women.

Partway through the movie, Ritonno heard Leader muttering, "He's wrong."

She paused the DVD. "What?"

"He's wrong. He didn't say the line correctly."

"Well, then, would you like to tell us what it's supposed to be?"

"What if her eyes were there, they in her head?  
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,  
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven  
Would through the airy region stream so bright  
That birds would sing and think it were not night.  
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!  
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,  
That I might touch that cheek…"

He softly ran the back of his hand down the side of her face, and for a moment the world didn't exist outside the two of them. He held the back of her head in his hand and moved his left hand up under her chin, but made no further advances. Ritonno was okay with that, though…

"…So kiss her or tell us the misquote!" Seiya demanded, impatient, and the world snapped back into being. Both of their heads jerked around to glare at her.

Leader composed himself very quickly. "He forgot the 'they' in 'they in her head'."

"Then why go on and on like that, yeah?"

"It's poetry. Starting in the middle is bad enough… He could at least have murdered a monologue that wasn't that famous."

He turned his head back to Ritonno. She was the only one who saw the anger in his eyes. "I would never display affection for the amusement of anyone other than myself or Ritonno."

"Aww, don't get mad, Rei-kun." She ran her hand down from his shoulder to the middle of his upper arm, smiling kindly, trying to calm the unsettling anger in his face. "They're not like us; they don't mind being in love publicly."

"Just start the movie again, yeah!"

Grudgingly, she took the remote and started up the DVD. They were at the end of the scene.

Then came the end. The girls called Juliet stupid and all sorts of things, but the movie ran its course, as it was meant to do. Seiya curled up crying and Deidara, completely unaware of why she was so upset, held her next to him. Leader, foreseeing Ritonno's reaction, hugged her from behind and held her closer when she began to cry.

Then the movie was over and Deidara was finally able to voice his question.

"Why are you both so upset, yeah?"

They both paused. Seiya jerked out of his grip and ran out of the room.

"What did I say, yeah? It was a movie! Seiya-chan… Come back, yeah!" He ran after her.

Ritonno began to giggle through the tears.

"Wait. Are you laughing, or…?"

"I'm laughing! Dei-kun is just so… he's such an amateur!"

"Heh. Yeah… really, though. It's just a movie. There's no reason to get so worked up because of it."

"No, not unless you paid attention to the plot."

"Heh. …So, what were those screams when Romeo came on? You sounded like dying piglets."

"We were fangirling over him. For this kind of movie, it doesn't work if the main characters aren't attractive."

"Mmh." He nodded a bit. "Are you okay now?"

"That depends. Will you stop hugging me if I am?"

He laughed and she got totally freaked out because a) Leader never laughed and b) Leader was never loud.

"That was hilarious! …And why would I stop hugging you just because you're not upset?"

"I don't know. Last night, it seemed like you were afraid to touch me."

He started to laugh again.

"Okay, are you going to do that again or can I stay in here? …Because you laughing is scary."

"Heheh… Face it, Ritonno, you're hilarious. I just wasn't sure of the boundaries. I didn't want to offend you or anything…"

"…So you shrank back when I tried to touch you? It was like, 'No! Don't touch me! I'm a vampire!!!'" She went into a high-pitched voice for the "I'm a vampire" part, making it purposely funny. They both laughed, but Ritonno was expecting it, so she didn't mind.

Then Leader somehow managed to shift the mood to serious and put his hand on her shoulder. He looked into her eyes. "I said that I wouldn't display affection for the purposes of anyone other than us."

Ritonno's eyes widened as she realized what he was about to do.

"…But, if you have no objections…" He put his hand on the back of her head again, near the top of her neck. His other hand shifted to the back of her shoulder. They both leaned in closer, and Ritonno would have sworn that her heart rate sped up. Somehow, without her knowledge, her hands worked their way around his shoulders and hugged him.

Again, the world was just them. There was no one else, no objects… They broke away from each other, but the feeling of only the two of them remained. "Who needs poetry? Your eyes aren't the stars. They're crystal. Such a clear, light blue… Or they could be flames. Only the hottest fires burn blue." He chuckled. "But then, I wouldn't be complimenting you if I were one of the people you had been angry at recently."

Ritonno didn't know what to say. Was she in too deep, already? She couldn't focus like that on just one part of him! She just thought that he was cute and nice and that she had a crush on him, but obviously he was in much deeper that her. Seeing the troubled look on her face, his expression turned to one of surprise. "What? Is something wrong?"

"I can't do the poetry thing like that. I can't say that your eyes or your hair or some part of you is better than another or special or anything… It makes me sort of sad." She smiled a bit.

"I don't mind. I want to be with you…"

This was all interrupted by a high-pitched squeal. The world returned, full of distractions, and Seiya was standing next to them, fangirling away. "You two are so cute together!!!!!!" She hugged Ritonno.

"Seiya, you just ruined it!"

Suddenly, Seiya screamed and her body jerked to the side. "OW!!!!! Rei-sama, what did you do that for?!" But Leader was already walking away. Ritonno's head turned from him to her female companion as she heard Seiya moan. "Owwwww…. Why'd he have to hit me like that? Why can't he get angry the normal way?"

Leader spun around. "Why couldn't you let us be? We don't need commentary!" He was mad. It was not good. Not good at all…

Deidara came in a moment before Leader had left. "Sei-chan! Are you alright, yeah?"

"Yeah, except that Rei-sama just punched me because I was fangirling over him and Ritonno-chan…"

"He hit you, yeah?!"

"Yeah. Why else would I be holding my arm and yelling? I'm going to see Sasori…" She walked away, holding her upper arm.

"Wait! Do you want me to go with you, yeah?"

"Dei-chan, it's just Sasori, okay? I don't need help!"

"Okay, yeah…" He sounded hurt.

"Oh, don't worry about her," Ritonno said, comparatively. "She's just mad because her arm hurts."

"Why did Rei-sama have to do that, though, yeah?"

"Well, he was being all sweet and stuff, and then she fangirl-squealed, and he got mad…"

"That's just mean, though, yeah…"

"I never said it was justified, just that that's the reason it happened."

"Aren't you going to talk to Leader-sama, yeah?"

"Yeah, I probably should…" She stood up and left, heading upstairs for the attic.

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Woot!!!! Seven pages!!!! …Now, THIS is a chapter the way that I used to write! …And frankly, I actually like this length better. Akatsuki fanfiction is just so fast-paced, though, that it's easier to end my chapters earlier… That's actually a line from "Romeo and Juliet," by the way. Rei-san just started saying it to point out the misquote, decided to say it to Ritonno, and came up with an excuse later. Aren't they cute together?


	7. Chapter 7

County Fair

By Magewriter/Sheelos-lover

Chapter 7:

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Masashi-sensei, except for Seiya, who is Pocky-machine's. Of course, the other exceptions are that I own Ritonno and the plot.

I'm reading New Moon (I got it from Pocky-machine today) and I'm still on the part where Jacob is starting to work on the motorcycles. So, sorry if the plot/dialogue/whatever isn't up to par. I have sortuva numb sensation going on right now, myself.

In case you were wondering, I actually didn't cry when he broke up with her, or when she heard his voice and felt the pain. I think that part of it was that there was a lead-up and the other part was that a) I was numb and b) I read the dialogue (and sometimes the rest) out loud, so it just seemed like the story. I'm numb like Bella – I'm not even properly mad at Edward yet, and I'm probably near page 100…

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She neared the top of the stairs. Her hand was poised, ready to knock on the door, when she heard Leader say, "Don't."

She paused for a second. Then she reasoned that she might be able to get him to talk about it.

Thinking about exactly what she was going to say, her thoughts were interrupted by the same furiously angry, perfectly calm voice. "I swear, Ritonno, if you don't start back down those stairs in five seconds, I'm going to take away your ring and expose you to the Grass village."

As soon as she had processed this information, she started back down the steps.

She met Tobi at the bottom of that particular set of steps.

"Oh! Ritonno-san! I was looking for you! Have you talked to Leader-sama yet?"

She thought she did a very good job of staying composed. "No, I'm sorry, To-chan. I just… I'll talk to him soon, okay? He's not really in a negotiating mood right now."

"Okay. Zetsu-san still aren't being very nice, so… I don't want you to feel pressured, though – that's the last thing I want – but sometime, it would be nice… you know…"

"Of course. I'm sorry for forgetting, To-chan. I'll write it down." She went down to her room to do just that, leaving the note on top of her yaoi books. "I'm sorry, To-chan, but would you leave now? It's nothing against you, I just… I need some alone time."

"Of course, Ritonno-san." He left, shutting her door behind her.

She set to the task of figuring out what the heck had just happened. First, Rei-sama had been upset because he was worried that she wasn't happy. But that was over. They were having a wonderful moment – they had even kissed – but then Seiya fangirled, and it was all muddled after that. What exactly she had done to make his temper flare, Ritonno didn't know, but she had, and everyone getting worked up over it had just made him get more worked up, she was sure, and now he didn't want to talk to anyone.

She decided to give him a message. Nothing intrusive, and definitely nothing spoken, but something definitely had to be resolved. So she wrote on a piece of paper,

You can come and get me whenever you want to talk about it

and walked silently upstairs. She slipped the note under the door and turned invisible as she crept silently back down, not pausing to turn around when the door opened at the top of the flight. She could hear him muttering something, but she got back to her room before anything significant happened, and that was a good thing.

Seiya was in her room. "Hey. I saw Sasori-san, and he gave me some painkillers. What do you want to talk about?"

"Um… Actually, I think we should sleep in our own rooms tonight. Just because… I'm just not feeling that social right now, okay, Sei-chan? It doesn't have anything to do with you. I'm really out-of-it…."

"Okay. See you in the morning, then, I guess…"

"Yeah. 'Night."

"Night. See you in the morning."

"'Kay. Bye."

"Yeah."

Seiya left then. Ritonno knew that Deidara would be a bit overprotective, but she hoped that she would see Leader the next morning, at breakfast or privately.

.-..-..-.

She had no dreams that night. She was up late, though. It was more feelings than actual thoughts in her head, impossible to describe, so she would have said that she was just stressed out the night before.

After her usual morning run, she went to breakfast. She wasn't surprised that Leader wasn't there. Nor was she surprised when Seiya said that he hadn't been down all morning. Still, she took a cup of tea and some rice with vegetables on top.

She knelt before his door, though it looked a bit silly in pajama pants and a camisole, and slid his food and tea into his room wordlessly. She heard a grunt, assumed it to be thanks, and went back down both flights of stairs to her room. She had the pink and white chocolate Pocky that had gotten her in trouble just the day before.

Had it really been less than 24 hours? It seemed like such a long time…

If Leader had decided to be antisocial, she knew what she would do. She would give Tobi his chance.

The morning passed uneventfully. Perhaps it was better that Leader was in his room than that he be out of his room terrorizing the Akatsuki.

At lunchtime, though, Ritonno made some ramen – she knew that soup always made her feel better – and sent Tobi upstairs with it.

He reached the top of the stairs carrying the steaming bowl. "Um, Leader-sama, I have your lunch. Ritonno-san made it…" He knelt next to the door. "Are you hungry now?"

"Sure."

"Okay." He slid the door open, slid the bowl inside. It was close enough to what he had done for Zetsu-san… "Is there anything else that you want?"

"Actually, yes. A piece of information. What possessed you to come to my room when I'm not in a positive state of mind?"

He blushed and was suddenly glad that he wore a mask. "Well, Zetsu-san haven't been very happy about me recently, so I asked Ritonno-san who else I could help out until they're willing to let me come back. She said that you might not mind too much…"

Leader was about to object, but then thought of something positive: if Tobi were to serve him, that meant that Ritonno wouldn't and he could think some more before he saw her again. How complicated love seemed to be…

"Okay. You'll keep your room with Zetsu, though, I'm guessing?"

"Um… Well, I was hoping… I _can_ stay with them, I guess…"

"If you slept in my room, there wouldn't be any sort of partition. I'm not saying that I object to it, but you should definitely consider all of your options first."

"Okay. I'll talk to Zetsu-san. I mean, it isn't like we have to talk or anything when I go to my room…"

"Is it really that bad?"

"Yeah… I get the feeling they really don't like me anymore."

"Seems like. If you're willing to drag your stuff up here, I guess I'll let you stay up here, but if you snore, you're going right back down."

"If I snore, it'll all be muffled by my mask. Don't worry!"

"You wear that thing when you sleep?"

"Yeah. You never know when you won't have time to put it on!"

"Mmh." He had been there when Tobi had been brought to the Akatsuki base, all those years ago. Sasori and Orochimaru had brought him. Sasori had fixed him up, but apparently the scarring on the entire left side of his body hadn't finished healing. Now, there was no one beside Sasori and Kakuzu left in the Akatsuki who remembered what Tobi had looked like.

"…So, should I bring up my stuff now?"

"Sure. By the way, has your left eye really held up for this long?"

"Yeah! Sasori-san's parts are the best there are. Kiyo told me that. Remember when I got it in?"

"Yes. It was early in the morning, as I recall."

"Yeah… But she told me that Sasori has the best synthetics. And she was right! I can see through my right eye almost as well as my left, and the almost is just because it's not a sharingan!"

"Oh, yes. I remember. You're one of the two Uchihas Itachi didn't murder."

"Yup! He should kill Sasuke already. He just keeps dragging it out… Better that the little nuisance died than keep getting beat up trying to kill his brother."

"…And you're not concerned that, if Itachi learned about your sharingan, he would most likely kill you?"

"Nope! I can keep secrets."

"Heh… Okay. Go get your stuff. It might actually be enjoyable having you around."

He left directly behind Tobi, trying to find either Seiya or Ritonno, knowing that some very large apologies were in order. Entering the kitchen, he found them both.

"Ritonno, what are you – Oh! Leader-sama!" Ritonno was already looking at him with that interested expression, curious as to what he would do.

He bowed to Seiya. "I'm sorry for my behavior last night. It was rude."

"Oh, um, you don't have to be so formal! It doesn't really hurt – it's not like you hit me hard or anything!" Apparently his formality made her panic a bit.

"Ritonno-san, I hope that you can forgive me."

"Don't worry about it! I mostly just got mad that you were mad and wouldn't talk about it."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because then we couldn't resolve anything. By the way, how are all the bruises you got from Tsunadae-sama?"

"Better than when I got them."

"Heh… Just be glad you didn't have to fight HER at the end! I'm lucky I was able to surprise Jiraya. Actually, he's probably the scariest guy in existence because he's not just highly perverted, he's also very, very powerful. Seiya, what would you do if you were in a room that could only be opened from the outside with Jiraya?"

"If I were you?"

"No, if you were you."

"I'd try to get away from him. Then I'd scream at the top of my lungs."

"I'd turn invisible, but first I'd scream. See, Leader-sama? That's why girls stick together – there are a few basic things we're all afraid of."

"You mean men?"

"Yup. Men have the ability to do that sort of stuff, but women have the ability to cripple and sterilize them. It's nice being a woman sometimes. You're not the sort of guy who would do something like that, though."

"Um… not now!"

"Heh… Wanna come annoy Itachi with me?"

"Why?"

"Because he reads Icha. Because he's annoying. If for no other reason, because his hair is prettier than mine. And he stole my favorite nail polish and never gave it back."

"What is it with all of you and nail polish?"

"It's fun. Don't ask me, though – I thought it was Oro-san who started it. Besides, would you rather it was some ugly color, like orange or yellow, and you had to put up with Kisame with bright orange nails?"

He glared at her. "What's wrong with orange?"

She picked up on his thoughts almost immediately. "I never said there was anything wrong with orange hair – even if yours is more of an auburn – but orange in general doesn't look good. Purple looks good with almost everything. We could switch colors if you want. Pink would work…" She smiled menacingly.

"…But I'm saying, why paint our nails at all?"

"So that we look nice. Do we need another reason? …Besides, Sasori already did his over with wood enamel, so we would never hear the end of it if he had to undo his nails."

"Suddenly, I want to say that all Akatsuki members have to have their nails clear of any paint by tomorrow."

"Ooh! Tell Dei-chan first!" Seiya said excitedly. "He'd love that!"

"Um… You do know that I wasn't serious, right?"

"Heh…" She smiled, a bit nervously if Ritonno wasn't mistaken. "It would still be funny. Suddenly, I'm imagining Sasori sticking his hands in a can of paint stripper!"

"That stuff's nasty! …But then, wood enamel on human nails wouldn't be too fun, either, so I can see where you're going with that…"

"How about we all have to paint our nails in private?"

"No! Then I wouldn't get to see you without your cloak every ten days or so!"

"I could take off my cloak when we watch movies. I usually don't wear it when we spar. Is it really such an issue?"

"Yes."

"Do I dare ask why?"

"No."

"It's okay – I can guess."

There was a pause as Leader got his tea started and Seiya worked at her bowl of rice. Then Ritonno spoke up again.

"We should go to the beach sometime."

"Is this at all related to our previous conversation?"

"Loosely. But I like to go to the beach anyway. Have you ever been up on the cliffs above it on a sunny day? It sparkles! It's so beautiful! …And there are magnificent sunsets! At least, where I used to go there were. All the way out on the western coast, it's just the sand and the cliffs and the ocean! And there's always something to do – you can swim, play beach sports, work on your tan, collect rocks and shells, or you can just sit there. And sometimes you can go up to the forests and walk there… It's all so calming."

"When I'm forced to go to a beach, I either have a purpose or I find some shade and wrap myself in a towel. I don't like swimming."

"…But we also get to interact with people! Sometimes it's nice to not run around with a banner on your head saying that you denounced a village and didn't bother to join a new one, y'know?"

"I denounced my village when I realized that people are idiots and much lower than the animals they belittle."

"Sounds more like you were just bitter. I was, too."

"I realized that killing was pointless!"

"It's certainly made easier by the nature of humans. They've already herded themselves and established exactly where they stay. Otherwise, the Uchiha Massacre wouldn't have been possible."

"No, it was made possible because Itachi was a backstabbing traitor who killed his best friend. And he didn't kill Sasuke or Tobi."

"He didn't know about Tobi and Sasuke is a weak little bastard."

"Well, he's a bastard now that his parents are dead."

"You know how I meant it."

"Yes, but I've also known some very nice bastards and I would prefer that you not use the word as an insult."

Deidara walked in. "Hey, guys. Do you mind if I work on my clay in here, yeah?"

"Sure! Go ahead, Dei-chan!" He wandered into the TV room and Seiya sat next to him on the couch.

"We were just talking about going to the beach, Wouldn't that be fun, Dei-chan?"

"Definitely, yeah!"

"See, Rei-kun? I told you people like to go to the beach!"

"It's no fun, though…"

She smirked. "I think you just don't want other guys looking at me."

"Ritonno, that is not the reason and you know it!"

"…Yeah, but you got mad."

"I got angry because you made it sound like I'm some sort of pervert."

"No, I just said that I thought you didn't want other guys looking at me. I made you sound possessive."

"It's still an insult."

"I know, but it's less of an insult. Dei-kun, what would you do if Itachi stared looking at Seiya while she was in her swim suit."

"I'd punch him, yeah."

"See? It's normal." She turned back to Deidara. "What would you do if it were Jiraya?"

He turned around, giving her a very confused look. "I'd get a chance to reach him before you and Sei-chan beat him up, yeah?"

She turned back to leader. "Exactly."

"That doesn't change that I generally don't like going to the beach."

"So stay home. I'll bet Sasori wouldn't like it, either – it would rust up the metal parts of him."

"Let two girls and eight men go to the beach without any sort of supervision?"

"I'm the supervision. That's my place – when you're gone, I'm the next in line."

"Heh… Suddenly I'm thinking of what would happen if any of them were to misbehave."

"Exactly. So, can we go sometime?"

"I… guess…"

"OW, yeah!"

All eyes turned to Deidara.

"Dei-chan! What happened?"

"I bit my tongue, yeah!"

"Aw… I usually can't talk that well when I bite my tongue."

"No, I bit my left tongue, yeah!"

"Oh…"

"It really hurts, though, yeah!"

"Can I see it?"

He held up his left hand and the mouth opened.

"Oh, wow! There are tooth marks!"

"Why do you think it hurts, yeah?"

"Wait… So, let me get this straight. A bee stings you and you don't care. Your arms get ripped off and you barely even flinch. But you bite your tongue and you have to make a big deal out of it?!"

"I'm not in public, yeah."

"Oh Dei-chan…"

Ritonno smiled a bit.

"…Well, at least you have another one. You could kiss it better!" She began to laugh. Deidara did, too, for some reason.

"I can't believe that's still funny, yeah! People have been making jokes like that since elementary school."

"Oh, gosh. Now I have images of you practicing kissing with yourself!"

"I thought everyone did that, yeah…"

"NO!!!!!"

Leader turned away. Seiya looked a bit freaked out.

"Um… Did you really have to admit it, Dei-chan?"

"Oh, um, I mean, of course I didn't, yeah!"

Blue, abnormally large sweat drops appeared on their faces.

"Okay, let's just get away from that train of thought… When should we go to the beach?"

"Whenever. We could go tomorrow, for all I care."

Okay… Let's ask around." Seiya got up off the couch and followed Ritonno down the hall. Ritonno turned down the hall to go to Kisame's room, so Seiya ducked into Sasori's.

At this point, the writing gets very difficult.

Seiya got a flat-out "no" from Sasori. Kisame, on the other hand, got very excited – he loved water! – and asked when they were leaving. Ritonno said they would decide that later.

In the end, they had a strange assortment of beachgoers. Because everyone except for Leader and Sasori wanted to go, they managed to convince Leader that the entire group should go and save the confusion.

So, the entire Akatsuki prepared to go to the western coast.

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This was getting sort of long, so I ended it.

I love the idea of them going to the beach! If you're on my DeviantART account (Sheelos-lover. you know about my Akatsuki beach picture, but this will go beyond even that! …And if you're reading Ikachi (on chocolate-is-god. and nowhere else) you know that I'm planning a trip to Konoha for the girls, and I have some even better stuff for there!

I'm going to the county fair with Pocky-machine. This upload was made possible at this point in time because her dad is really, really late.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer to Masashi Kishimoto and the makers of She's the Man (this includes William Shakespeare) and Sanrio. …Yeah… Crazy chapter ahead.

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Of course, this meant that the two girls had to make sure that their swimsuits still fit them. In the case of the guys, it simply meant that they had to find something that resembled swimsuits which fit them. This meant Akatsuki capris.

For the girls, cut towels were found. Ritonno had one that converted to a backpack, Seiya a Tenorikuma towel. For the guys, anything would suffice and most of them didn't even bother trying to find cute towels; they used the ones they used the ones they used every day. Some of these had been stolen from hotels by Kakuzu.

Ritonno and Seiya made an expedition to town to pick up a few bottles of sunscreen, some stronger hair bands than the ones they currently had, some cheap pairs of spare goggles, and snack food. When they got back, Seiya toasted some cashews while Ritonno gathered the Akatsuki into the main room.

"Okay. Now, while we're there, there are some very basic rules. First, you don't wear a headband, any headband, in the salt water unless you plan to clean it yourself. Second, remember not to wear your slashed headbands. I don't care if you wear no headband at all, just remember that we want to stay neutral. Third, no killing while we're there. Or injuring, unless it's by accident. Then we get into the rules of the beach.

"The first rule of the beach is, if you get a sunburn, it's your fault. We're bringing three big tubes of sunscreen, so if you get a sunburn, you can't hold me accountable because I warned you. Seiya either. Second rule, never turn your back on the ocean. I fully acknowledge that you are all able-bodied swimmers, but the ocean is unpredictable and at any moment a big wave could come up and carry you into the deep water, and believe me, you don't want to try to fight the current. Third, try not to step on any jagged rocks. They'll cut your feet, and that's not fun. Fourth, no ninja-based rivalry, okay? The beach is neutral territory. And fifth, this one should be obvious, but try not to stare at attractive women. You can't know which are ninja and they might decide to punch your lights out. And no hitting on anyone, either! You can talk about cute girls to other members – or at least, I'm assuming that you're all straight – but it always feels uncomfortable when some guy comes up to you and starts hitting on you. Seiya, do you have anything to add?"

Seiya walked into the TV room, where the members were all assembled on the couches. "Yes. I'll give you each a bag of cashews. You can't take any from someone else's bag unless they give them to you. So, if I don't eat all of my cashews tomorrow, none of you are allowed to eat them just because I'm not done."

There were some mutterings of agreement, then finally Kisame asked, "So, can we go back to what we were doing now?"

"Sure. Get all your stuff together by tonight, though. You'll each need a towel, a swimsuit of some sort, your zori, and probably a pair of goggles. We have a couple of extra pairs. And some extra-strong headbands for those of you who have reason to care. But I want to look over your stuff tonight to make sure you have everything, okay? Oh! And you should take some sort of cover-up shirt. Heck, you can wear your towel around your shoulders if you want to, but have something! …And, if you want, you can bring a hat."

They split up. Ritonno went to her room to reread some of her manga and then to lie there thinking about nothing. Or, at least, until Deidara came to her room.

"Um, Ritonno-san? I have all my stuff together, yeah. And, when are you going to start dinner, yeah?"

"Ask Seiya. She said she'd do it tonight because I have more power in the Akatsuki, so I can make everyone get their stuff together."

"Um… That works, too, yeah."

"…So, let's see your stuff."

She followed him to his room. He had a white hotel towel folded up on his bed next to a pair of Akatsuki pants and his zori. "Um, you have goggles and hair bands, right, yeah? I don't want to lose my ribbon in the ocean."

"Yeah. I'll get them. Do you have some kind of a t-shirt or something?"

"Um, no, yeah. Why would I, yeah?"

"You never know when you'll need it. I have an old yukata I plan to wear. Do you want to borrow one?"

"Why do you need so many yukata, yeah?"

"Remember last summer? You can't wear black every day! Black can get really hot!"

"Oh… I guess so, yeah. I never had any problems, though, yeah…"

"You spent most of last summer in the Mist Village. It doesn't get hot there!"

"That's why I was lucky, yeah!"

"…And then there was the rest of us, who were over here in a remote corner of the Land of Fire in the sweltering summer heat. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go make Kisame pack for the beach."

"Sounds fine, yeah."

She proceeded to the room next to Deidara's.

"Hey, Kisame. You gonna pack any time soon?"

"I was planning to start after dinner."

"Well, it's never too early."

He glared at her, but then began to dig up a pair of capris from the tangle of clothes in the corner. "Okay, what happened to laundry?"

"It's in this pile."

"Um, how are they separated?"

"I can tell."

"Okay, then…" He passed her on his way to get a towel, then came back.

"Okay. I'm done."

"Whatever happened to a shirt?"

"You said we could use our towels."

"Goggles?"

"I'm half shark. I can breathe salt water if I want to; of course I can see in it."

"Okay, then. Bye."

She continued to Sasori's room, which was just down the hall. "Hey, Sasori! Got your stuff for tomorrow?"

"Right there." He didn't even look up from his book. In front of Ritonno were an organized pile of items: a towel, a pair of Akatsuki pants, and a light Akatsuki jacket. On top were his zori.

"Um… Do you want goggles?"

He looked up, giving her a look as though she were stupid. "You're asking a waterproof puppet if he wants goggles…? Are you sure you're sane?"

"Oh. Yeah, huh? 'Kay, then. Bye."

"'Bye."

She walked down the hall. Seiya was in the kitchen starting dinner, so Ritonno stopped to chat for a few minutes before continuing downstairs to Zetsu's room. "Zetsu! Do you have your stuff together?"

"Yes." "Come in, Ritonno-san."

She slid open the door. "Okay. Where's your stuff?"

"In the corner without dirt." "Would you please close the door, Ritonno-san?" "You're going to let all the heat out!"

"Okay! Calm down, Black-san! Oh… It would be hard for you to get a shirt that fits, huh?"

"Yes. We figured that out a long time ago." "It would be pretty hard… We managed to find a hat, though!" "We plan to photosynthesize, anyway."

"I guess you can do without too much sun protection… Do you plan to go swimming?"

"What, are you stupid?" "We don't like salt water very much."

"Okay. Beachcombing is fun, too."

"It's summer, huh?"

"Yeah…"

"I was wondering why I felt in-season." "It usually happens in Spring, but we're a little… different." "Just say it – we're freaks. We talk to humans." "There are much nicer ways to phrase it."

"Um… I'll leave you two to talk about that, okay? I'm going to go talk to Itachi now."

She passed by her room and went to Itachi's. "Itachi, do you have all your stuff together?"

"No."

He didn't move from his Icha-reading state.

She turned invisible and took his book.

"You get it back when you have all your stuff assembled. That includes swim trunks or something to swim in, a towel, some sort of shirt, probably goggles, and your zori."

He glared at the place her voice had come from. "…And what if I don't have a swimsuit?"

"You can wear your Akatsuki pants – I don't care – but just have something ready. We need to leave as early as possible tomorrow morning."

He grudgingly set out to get his things assembled. He got out a haori as a shirt and she whacked him on the back of the head. "Don't wear a nice shirt to the beach! You'll get it all sandy!"

"What am I supposed to wear, then?"

"Use your towel. Kakuzu knows where to go for free towels – they're pretty big."

"Okay. Can I have my book back, then?"

"I have two questions first. The first is, do you want a really good hair band for tomorrow? …Because you use those normal ones, but those snap easy."

"That would be very nice, thank you. Now, what's the other question?"

She made herself visible. "Why the heck do you like this junk?"

He snatched it from her. She let him and left to go to Kakuzu's room.

"Kakuzu! Do you have all your stuff?" She asked through the door.

"I have a towel, capris, zori, goggles, and a shirt."

"Um… Okay." apparently, he didn't want her in his room.

So, she went to Hidan's room. "Hidan, you got your stuff?"

"Where the heck am I supposed to get a shirt?"

"I don't care. It's common courtesy to wear one in public, though."

His door opened. "Only if you're a girl. People don't care when it's a guy."

"Yes, they do. Actually, no one gets any sort of pleasure from looking at you without a shirt. I'm tempted to let you go without one tomorrow and get sunburned. Bye."

His door closed behind her as she turned and went up two flights of stairs to Leader's room. "Rei-danna! To-chan! You two have your stuff together?"

"I do, Ritonno-chan! …And Rei-sama does, but he's not feeling so good right now."

"Um… Can I come in?"

"Go ahead." The voice was Leader's this time. So she did.

"Okay. You've got… You're planning to wear your Akatsuki stuff at the beach?!"

"Yeah… Is it hot there or something?"

"Not really, but… No one cares if you're shirtless at the beach or anything."

"Um… I really don't feel comfortable when I don't have everything on."

"Okay. I'll assume that I don't want to know."

"Thank you, Ritonno-kun."

"…Just don't blame me if you're freezing cold when you get out of the water." She started walking toward Leader, who was sitting with his back to her on his futon. "Rei-kun, stop it. You're acting like a little kid!"

"I don't care. I don't like the beach. I never have and I never will. If anyone splashes me, they'll find themselves dead relatively soon."

"Um… Do you have a towel to sit on?"

He held up the fluffy, black pillow that had been sitting next to him.

"Okay. I… guess I'll see you at dinner or tomorrow, okay?" She kissed the top of his head.

"Good night, Ritonno-chan."

She smiled as she left. It had been so long that Seiya was almost done with dinner. "Hey, Rit-chan, do you like potstickers?"

"Who doesn't? Thank you, Sei-chan!"

"…Well, I figure we're going to the beach tomorrow, so it must be special tonight!"

"Too bad Rei-kun won't be joining us… Ooh! Can I go ask how many he wants?"

"Heehee… Sure!"

Ritonno ran back up the steps. "Rei-kun, if you're not coming downstairs for dinner, how many potstickers do you want?"

There was a pause. A long pause.

"Rei-kun?"

He emerged from his room wearing his cloak. "Potstickers are a contest when there are eleven people. If you know me at all, you'll know that I love competition."

She ran to her room, proclaiming to the entire house that dinner that night was formal. She pulled on her cloak over her head, not pausing to mess with the zipper.

She got back upstairs just as Seiya was finishing. "It smells soooo good, Sei-chan!"

"Thanks!" Then she called down the hall, "Dei-chan! If you don't hurry up and put your cloak on, you'll miss dinner!" then ran downstairs to get the black yukata that Ritonno had given her on her first day in the commune. "Save me eight, okay, Rit-chan?"

"Sure!"

"Thanks!"

The entire Akatsuki assembled around the table a few seconds later. Seiya didn't need to worry – it was only when she set the food on the table that everyone started taking potstickers. No one really cared for the soy sauce except Leader; potstickers were good on their own.

The orgy continued until the two bags' worth of fried potstickers were gone. Then everyone pretty much disappeared. Unfortunately for Ritonno, this included Leader.

"Hey, Rit-chan. You wanna watch a movie with Dei-chan and me?"

"Um… sure, as long as you're sitting between us. Rei-kun doesn't seem all that social tonight. What are you watching?"

"'She's the Man.' It's hilarious."

"…Well, it probably can't hurt to ask…" She walked up the stairs to Leader's room and knocked on the door frame.

"Rei-kun? Do you want to want to watch 'She's the Man' with us?"

"Not particularly."

"Okay." She left.

She was just sitting down with them when he appeared in the kitchen door. "…I never said I wouldn't watch a movie with you, just that I don't particularly prefer this movie. Do you want to watch the movie with me?"

Instead of a verbal response, she bounded across the dining room and that part of the kitchen to glomp him. Or, at least, hug him with the strength used for glomping. He stayed completely steady and hugged her with one arm

It was harder than usual anyway, and it felt… amazing.

He slid his hand around her waist as they walked to the couch. The movie started. He glared at the screen, looked at Ritonno, and whispered to Ritonno, "I like you better." This made her giggle. "Yeah, and you get to see me in beach clothes tomorrow."

About halfway through the movie, when they were in a snuggling position and had been for some time, he asked her if she was uncomfortable. "No, of course not. But will you hug me hard again?"

So he did. And she smiled. And they paid very little regard to the movie after that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

…So. I was hanging out with my boyfriend. And usually he hugs me the normal way, but at one point he hugged me harder than usual and it felt… well… amazing. No better word. …But of course, Ritonno is me turned partially demonic and much more bold, and I'm too shy to say something that sounds that silly. …But it really was nice…

What do I have to do to get him to get a DeviantART account? EVERYONE has a DeviantART account! The Witch from my cast of Into the Woods has a DeviantART account! …I still need to get her screenname… Anyway, if you like the Akatsuki and you're not reading this on DevART (I also have a account), then you might want an account, too. I have some relatively decent pictures. And it's the only place where you can access Ikachi, the ingenious story I'm writing with Pocky-machine about Itachi's transformation into a woman. …But that's on Chocolate-is-god. so… yeah…

I think I also want him to get an account so that he would read this comment. I feel sort of nervous, like I know that if he gets an account he's going to bring up the hug thing and I'll have absolutely no choice but to say it's true because, of course, it is.

…But then, he's also… I think he's at least six feet now. If not, he's darned close! …And I'm still 5'2"… I'm supposed to get to about 5'8' or 5'10" at some point, though… He'll always be taller than me in any case. It's nice to feel feminine once-in-awhile, though, y'know?


	9. Chapter 9

…So, they're going to the beach. Disclaimer to Masashi Kishimoto for obvious reasons and to Pocky-machine for Seiya.

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Ritonno woke up bright and early, a bit before dawn. She went for a run in her cami and pajama shorts and when she got back, Seiya was having coffee.

"That stuff is disgusting. It's bitter and dark." She knew that Seiya didn't like green tea; she ritually insulted her best friend's favorite drink. Neither of them thought anything of it.

"Your stuff looks alive. Good morning, Rit-chan."

"Today we go to the beach!"

"Oh, yeah… Isn't it amazing how you can forget something overnight?"

"Yup"

Deidara came into the kitchen. "Hey, Sei-chan!" He kissed her. "…So, what do you want to do at the beach today, yeah?"

"I dunno. Swim. Body surf. Hang out with you…"

"Sounds good to me, yeah!" He turned to Ritonno. "Ritonno-kun? Didn't you say I could borrow a yukata from you?"

"Oh. Yeah. Once I've had my tea, we can go see what looks good on you…"

"Do you want me to braid your hair later, Dei-chan?"

"Sure! Thanks, yeah!"

"Yeah, let's all have a little braiding party with you, Itachi, and Dei-kun."

"Ew! Itachi?"

"He has long hair, too. Nice long hair, actually. I love long hair."

"Well, I do, too, but that doesn't mean I like Itachi!"

"I never said I liked his attitude, just his looks. Every girl in his village is in love with his brother; you have to admit that, even if he is a horrible person, he's still pretty easy on the eyes."

"Yeah, I guess so… How the heck are we going to handle his bangs, though?"

"The same way I handle mine – with a hair clip."

"Oh…"

"Seiya, I've done all of this before. You have a couple of little bangs that fall in your face, but I look like the sea monster if I go in the water with my hair free. And trust me, you don't want hair in your face if a wave comes down and pushes you under. Then you're confused AND you can't see!"

"Okay." So, they had breakfast – they decided to follow Deidara's example and have miso – and all of the other Akatsuki members came and went until finally, at 9:00, Ritonno and Seiya called them all to the front hall.

You'll have to imagine the affirmative answers in this part because they would take forever to write in.

"Okay, do we have Kakuzu and Hidan? Dei-kun and Sasori? Itachi and Kisame? Rei-kun and Tobi? Good… Now, let me make sure I have the sunscreen and goggles and stuff… Okay. Seiya, distribute the cashews. Now, I would assume that you don't want to eat these all right now – they're good whenever. We're going to buy lunch there. Does everyone know the route? Good. We'll stay overnight in an inn and come back tomorrow. Any questions?"

"How much is this costing us?"

"I'll tell you later. Okay, let's go!"

They took the train the opposite way that they normally went, instead going to a farther away but much bigger city than the normal one so that they could ride the bullet train south. They looked like a normal group of travelers – the girls didn't stand out in their cover-ups and neither did most of the men. They occupied their time on the bullet train with applying sunscreen to their faces and other normally-exposed parts such as their arms and necks, then they had their braiding bonanza, then the train was at their stop so they got off, walked to the beach, took off shirts, yukata, and whatever else they had over their swimsuits, and the girls separated from the guys for awhile to apply sunscreen in areas that the guys had no trouble with.

When they came back, Seiya looked like a normal person who was perhaps a few tints lighter in skin tone; Ritonno had white streaks on her arms from the sunblock and all of her was pale. She slipped off her zori in the area that they had established was theirs, pulled on her goggles, suctioned them to her face, and ran to the ocean.

She was getting her ankles adjusted to the freezing water when Deidara and Seiya came up. Kisame had run into the water before she had finished with her sunscreen and he was swimming around expertly in a much deeper area.

After a couple of hours, Hidan ran screaming out of the water. "HELP!!! THE SHARKS ARE AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kisame was re-applying sunblock and Ritonno heard him mutter, "Stupid. You cut your foot on the rocks."

Ritonno started giggling, and when Kisame ran out of the water after Hidan, looking crazed, she was happy she was in the extremely shallow water and sitting down because she started laughing so hard that she would have been doomed in the deeper water.

She decided to go back to the shade, where Sasori and Leader had been sitting the entire time, Leader wrapped in his towel.

"Heyas! You two should come in the water!"

"Sorry. I didn't bring my stomach plate. If I had it, I would be waterproof. I like sitting here anyway."

"I'm not walking on hot sand or getting into that freezing cold salt water, and there's no way you can make me."

"You two are no fun!" She ran off to find Seiya, Deidara, and Tobi and they played with a beach ball, but it was so light that the wind knocked it off course. Were they not elite ninja, it would have blown itself halfway across the beach. They passed a few hours that way, then realized that they were hungry.

"Hey, Rei-sama, do you wanna come get lunch with us?"

"Sure." He stood up, letting the towel fall away.

"Wait… Why were you hiding in your towel if you were wearing your Akatsuki clothes?"

"I like my towel."

He said this in such a serious and almost threatening way that it made Ritonno laugh. "Let's just get some food, okay?"

The rest of the Akatsuki, noticing the congregation, went to join them, found out they were going to find lunch, and stayed with them. But there were three people missing.

"Hey, where are Zetsu and Kisame?" (Zetsu are two people, so that makes three.)

"Kisame said something about swimming deeper so he could go fishing."

"Zetsu-san would be on the beach photosynthesizing. I used to help them with that, before they started hating me."

"Okay. Kisame is doing one of the dumbest things he possibly could, but it would be even more stupid if any of us were to go into the deep. Now, let's get lunch."

They got ramen, which felt good after the cold ocean water and the wind. Then the group of nine headed back to the beach.

When they were there, Kisame was at their base eating something bloody.

"Kisame! Put that down!"

"But I caught it just a few minutes ago! It's delicious! Want some?"

"No! It's a dead, whole fish!"

"You eat dead fish all the time. Is it really my fault if I like tuna? I'm saving the cut used for ootori for last."

"Kisame… No, never mind. I don't think I have any chances of talking some sense into you."

"Nope! Now let me have my fish!"

You would expect that a humanoid would be selective about the parts he ate. But no, he ate the entire thing, even the bones. It was almost painful to watch, so Ritonno went for a walk with Seiya. She put on her yukata and Seiya got her wrap-around skirt and t-shirt.

I won't tell you every detail of their conversation, but it started with them talking about Leader and Deidara. This led to other topics, such as how bad Sasori looked shirtless, how weird Zetsu were, how disgusting Kisame was, etc. They got back to camp right before sunset and grabbed their boyfriends. Kakuzu left to make reservations in the nearby motel.

When the sunset was over, the two pairs walked to the motel – the others had all left by then – but when they got there the girls froze. "Um, you two go on ahead to your rooms. We have something to do," Ritonno said.

"You sound scared."

"I'm not. Really, I'm not. But there's something I need to do that I can't if you two are here."

Leader shrugged and he and Deidara went to their respective rooms.

Ritonno and Seiya followed behind them. Ritonno whispered to Seiya, "You know what to do?"

"Yeah."

Sure enough, Jiraya approached them.

"Hey, ladies. You're looking lovely tonight."

"Oh, you really think so?"

Ritonno giggled girlishly.

"Yes. You know, I have a nice place in Konoha. Or we could stay here if you want to."

"Oh, my. I'm not so sure my mother would want me to…"

"It's okay. A girl your age can't always obey her mother. There's too much to live for!"

Ritonno knew it was time. Her face turned hard. She jerked her knee up right in the place where Jiraya never wanted to be hit.

"Will you watch him? I'll tell Leader we're going to Konoha."

"Okay."

Ritonno ran up the steps and knocked on Leader's door.

"Ritonno, what are you doing here? It's late!"

"We caught Jiraya. We're going to turn him in to Tsunadae in Konoha, okay?"

"Tonight?"

"Yes, tonight. If he doesn't write Icha after this, the worst thing that can happen is that I'll have to apologize to Itachi."

"Um… okay. Bye. See you when we get back."

"Okay." She turned away from the door. "Let's get going!"

.-..-..-.

It took almost no time to get to Konoha on the bullet train. On it, they explained to Jiraya that they were minors and they didn't think very highly of his books in the first place. When they got off, they dragged him to the nearest motel, tied him up in a corner, and waited until morning. They traded watches, though – they didn't want to think of what could happen if he freed himself.

Finally, it was morning. They dragged him to the Hokage's office and let him fall on the floor.

"Lady Tsunadae… Can you assume what happened?"

"Yes, unfortunately. How old are you two?"

"Sixteen and seventeen."

"Jiraya, you've really overdone it this time. Don't worry, girls – I'll deal with him. Or, wait – did he… do anything to either of you?"

"Not beyond flirting. But he wanted to. Do you want a quote?"

"Sure… This should be amusing, considering that it's Jiraya."

"'I have a nice place in Konoha. Or we could stay here.' We were outside of a motel."

"…"

Tsunadae stood up and walked to Jiraya, who was lying on the floor (still tied up) and smiled. "You've really gotten yourself into trouble this time. You have no idea how satisfying this is. After this, I promise you, you can go free." She kicked him between the legs.

"Um… Tsunadae-sama? He's not conscious."

"I know." She got that demonic smile again. "He's sterile now."

They all started giggling again.

"What will we do when Itachi finds out there won't be any more Icha?"

Tsunadae's face turned completely serious. "Who?"

"One of our friends. Itachi Uchiha." Seiya said it. Of course Seiya would have still have small memory lapses concerning the fact that the Akatsuki was made up entirely of missing-nin…

"How do you know him?"

"Seiya, run."

They left, running away as quickly as they could. Tsunadae followed, but soon lost them in the crowded streets of Konoha.

"Okay, that eliminates any chances of taking the bullet train back. We'd better get started going back – we'll have to go there by foot."

"Um… sorry. I forgot."

"It's okay. I did that once. It's just going to take longer to get home. They'll be looking for us in Konoha, though, so we'll have to wait for breakfast." They set out, then, heading in a northern and slightly western direction to get to the Akatsuki base.

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Next, I'll be writing a special chapter/story-thing about Jiraya after this. It will only be available on DeviantART. So, if you're only on don't be surprised if the next chapter doesn't come out for awhile – I didn't get nearly enough chance to make fun of Jiraya now that he's sterile.

This is going to be fun.


	10. Chapter 10

Nothing to write. Disclaimer is as always. I always have more to write at the end of a chapter.

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When they finally got to the city, they were happy just to find a town where they could sit down and have brunch. Ritonno had pancakes, Seiya an omelet with ham and cheese. The food tasted good – they were starving. They planned their way back to the base. Neither looked forward to the five miles between the train station and the base, but they were willing to put up with it. After all, they had been through worse.

Finally, they were back home.

Leader and Deidara rushed to the door. "Sei-chan! I'm so glad you're safe, yeah! We heard a report on the radio that two missing-nin were found in Konoha, but then the reception went fuzzy so we didn't know what happened, yeah!"

"No, we're fine, Dei-kun. Seiya slipped up and accidentally said that we were friends with Itachi, but we got away from Tsunade. Sorry to worry you."

"Are you hungry, yeah?"

"No. We ate before we came here. Now, I should probably apologize to Itachi."

"For what, again?"

"Because Jiraya probably isn't going to write any more Icha books after last night."

They heard a scream. "That's him."

"And… How exactly did this happen?"

"…Well, we told you to go ahead, so he came up and he was flirting with us and everything, and we flirted back so he wouldn't be on-guard. Then I kneed him in the crotch."

Deidara and Leader stared at her, both of them turning a bit pale.

"Exactly. And we brought him to Tsunade and she kicked him to make absolutely sure, then Seiya accidentally said we knew Itachi so we had to get out of there."

Leader chuckled to himself. "There's no one quite like you, is there?"

"Nope!" Seiya certainly sounded proud of herself.

"Will you come and hang out with me while I have some miso, yeah?"

"Sure. You coming, Rit-chan?"

"Why not? By the way, did Hidan have any more problems with Kisame?"

"Well, Kakuzu sewed his foot back on for him if that's what you mean, yeah."

"Oh. That wouldn't be very fun."

"No, it wouldn't be – he had to clean the blood off the carpet, yeah."

"That wasn't quite how I meant it… Sometimes I forget that a dismembered foot doesn't mean much to Hidan."

Deidara smiled as he sat down with his warm miso. "It's easy to forget, yeah!"

They had a nice conversation. Before Deidara was done with his lunch, however, Itachi stumbled upstairs.

"Itachi, what's wrong? You look… unstable." She felt his forehead, but he knocked her arm away and glared at her.

"Demon."

"What did you just call me?"

"I called you a demon! How could you have done that to the great Jiraya?"

"He was planning worse things for us. Do you want the example?"

"Okay, let's see this."

Ritonno picked up a napkin and tore off a piece, then took a kunai and shuriken from the pouch on her thigh.

She placed the piece of paper over the hole in the shuriken. "Okay. Now this can be either me or Seiya. And this," she held up the kunai, "is Jiraya." She shoved the kunai through the hole in the shuriken. "…And there you go."

"Not while I'm eating, yeah!"

"You're wrong."

"Huh?"

"Ask Seiya or Deidara. That wasn't her."

Seiya's hands balled into fists, but she sounded calm as she said, "If I hadn't sworn off killing, I'd kill you here and now." Deidara blushed bright red.

"Well, regardless," Ritonno said, trying to steer attention away from the couple, "anyone who takes advantage of anyone – minors or not – deserves to have something like that happen to them. While we're on that subject, do you have anything to confess, Itachi?"

"Not like that!"

"Good."

She continued her lunch.

.-..-..-.

A few days later, Itachi got the wonderful to do sexy no jutsu constantly. No matter how much Ritonno told him to stop, he kept doing it. One day, she decided to bring it up with Seiya.

"How, exactly, _was_ Itachi being a bitch?" Seiya asked, in accordance with an earlier statement from Ritonno.

"He keeps doing sexy no jutsu. It annoys me!"

"Yeah… Oh! I have an idea!"

"What?"

"Well, you know how, in junior year, you have bio? …I mean, you have it in fifth and seventh grade, too, but you know how in eleventh grade they assume that you're more mature?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, Itachi obviously isn't. Think about how much of the feminine system he must know."

"I still don't get it."

"He would have sexy no jutsu down to the hormone levels. And what does lack of estrogen and progesterone cause?"

Ritonno began to laugh. After about half a minute, she managed to yell out, "Periods!!!!!!"

…And so begins Ikachi.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

…Which basically means that, if you want to read the rest of the story, go to chocolate-is-god. like I've been telling you. The content gets a bit more mature (especially with chapter 12) but you should be able to handle it… Pocky-machine and I desperately want hits!

I love this ending. The goals of any author are to come up with a half-decent idea, not murder it when it's written out, keep it going for awhile, and find some way to end it. Everyone loves their own recent work much more than they should have. The best way to bring yourself into the real world is to look at your work a few years from the time that it's written. I made that mistake once… The stuff that was almost worth posting I put on my DeviantART, but the rest was junk, so it's still sitting, stagnant, on like the word "chuckle." I've used it three times over today and yesterday. I'm not sure if I ever used it in my writing before then… It's fun to use, though!


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